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Big Hero 6 (2015)

big-hero-6-poster

Direct by Don Hall and Chris Williams

So after a couple of articles all about Big Hero 6, the comic, and my thoughts on the possible ways Disney could adapt it I finally got a chance to watch the finished product.

And it’s pretty fantastic.

But what did I think about it as an adaptation?

Big-Hero-6-Characters-

Well, despite that being the topic of all my previous posts on Big Hero 6 when I got to see the finished film it quickly became apparent that this is one of the loosest adaptations of any property ever. I kind of suspected as much once we started to get some character and plot details, and also from the total lack of any acknowledgement that this is a Marvel property but the main things the film and comic share are some names, some powers (loosely), a few design elements (even looser) and a sort of Japanese feel.

And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. None of the original characters are particular winners (well, maybe Sunfire but he’s originally an X-Men supporting character/anti-hero) and nobody’s powers had an amazing unique concept (although I do like Fred and his Kaiju monster aura). There isn’t a great definitive Big Hero 6 story that everyone loves so, yeah, as long as you keep the high concept of super-heroes but vaguely Japanese, change whatever you want.

So how is the film itself as its own beast?

(Spoilers, sort of, most of this is set-up)

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Well, the film tells the story of Hiro (Ryan Potter who is Japanese/American, which is fantastic), young orphaned genius and his older brother Tadashii (Daniel Henney and FYI Tadashii is not a name. Is it so hard to ask a Japanese person if the word you’re using for a character name is a real first name of total gibberish? Well, not gibberish since it does mean right or correct but it isn’t a first name) who is similarly a genius. Hiro spends his days hustling illegal street bot fights for cash, Tadashii spends his days at University in a specialised programme for geniuses where they get to work on whatever interests them. Tadashii is dismayed at his brother’s lack of ambition and brings him to his school to see his latest project, Baymax (Scott Adsit), an inflatable medical robot that will live in people’s homes and help them with psychiatric and physical medical assistance. There Hiro also meets Tadashii’s friends who are all idiosyncratic geniuses with their own interests and personality quirks. And Fred (T. J. Miller), who is the school’s mascot.

Hiro is inspired and desperately wants to join the school but to do so he needs to demonstrate something impressive. So he starts working on some micro-bots, think a cross between nano-bots and lego. They’re finger sized magnetic robots that can be mentally controlled to re-shape and build larger structures. He shows them off at an expo and everyone is suitably impressed leading to Hiro getting his school placement. He doesn’t get to enjoy it though because a fire starts at the expo, destroying his work and killing Tadashii.

Hiro, understandably, falls into a depression after this as his brother and best friend is dead and the only thing that snaps him out of his funk is the accidental discovery of a mysterious masked figure using his micro-bots to commit crimes. Well, that and Baymax who is programmed to try and treat his depression. With the help of a modified Baymax and Tadashii’s friends Hiro sets out to catch the thief.

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The main strengths of Big hero 6 are the writing and the characters. This is a Disney film that, despite all the fantastic elements, feels very real and honest emotionally. Hiro’s personal arc is both engaging and really feels like something a teenaged boy would go through, and it’s paced marvellously too. And at the heart of that arc is the relationship between Hiro and Baymax.

I said in the build up that there’s a lot of potential in “ a boy and his….” Narratives. From Old Yeller to Iron Giant to How to Train your Dragon there is something about the relationship between teenaged boys and non-human friends that is really effecting and Hiro and Baymax are another highlight in this tradition. Baymax in particular is wonderful. Equal parts hilarious, caring, warm and adorable with a smidgen of badass. He’s the big brother everyone wishes they could have. He’s also just a great comic creation and Scott Adsit’s measured delivery of every line delivers some really great deadpan humour (if you’ve seen this film, you did a fist bump and went fa la la la la la la la, do not deny it).

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The animation is, of course, spectacular. The flying and chase scenes have a sense of thrill and danger to them that puts most live action films to shame and the big action sequences with the team showing off their powers and fighting the villain are everything I want in super hero movies. Bright, colourful characters using their powers in creative ways and teaming up to look cool and kick ass. Much like Incredibles before it Big Hero 6 is so confident and creative in showing off super powers that it just highlights how limited and boring the action scenes in the Marvel movies, Man of Steel or the X-Men franchise have been. There’ so much invention in the fights and they’re choreographed so clearly and fluidly that my main complaint with the action is that there isn’t nearly enough of it.

The animation really soars in the details though. San Fransokyo is a masterful creation, it feels really lived in and is full of details that make it both aesthetically interesting and are really fun for a nerdy otaku like me to spot. Fred’s room in particular is one for the super nerds. He has a statue of sleepwalker in there! He has a statue of Black Talon. Black Talon, the guy who dresses like a chicken and fought the avengers once in the 70’s. Black Talon made it into a film before Wonder Woman!

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San Fransokyo was one of the elements I was most worried about mostly because in the trailer it came off as more Chinese than Japanese. However, the creators have explained that the concept is that in this reality Chinatown has expanded to encompass the whole of San Francisco, so this is an American city with very obvious Chinese and Japanese elements. That makes a lot more sense and really comes across in the design. Stuff like Hiro’s robot anime posters, the cat named mochi or Honey Lemon pronouncing “photo-photo” with a really good Japanese accent make it feel Asian in a subtle and all-encompassing way that’s more effective and markedly less offensive than the original comics. Plus it just feels cool. It’s all the really iconic and awesome parts of modern Japanese culture nicked and combined in one sleek package.

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My main complaint is that the other 4 team members get very little screen time or development. This is a story of 4 characters, Hiro, Tadashii (who dies), Baymax and the antagonist (whose identity is a secret). And that’s fine, there isn’t anything wrong with telling a focused narrative with a few side characters. Indeed, the narrative is stronger for its tight focus and excellent pacing.  But the film is called Big Hero 6 not Hiro and Baymax and we have 4 other guys who get very little to do. And that wouldn’t be so bad except that I really like these other characters and want to see more of them. Wasabi no Ginger becomes Wasabi (Damon Wayans Jr), nerdy black guy (I bring it up because I’m super happy he isn’t a horrible Asian stereotype like the comics character) with OCD and laser knives. Go Go (Jamie Chung) keeps her rebellious snarky personality but trades in bouncing like an egg for skating on frictionless magnetic bike wheels. Honey Lemon (Genesis Rodriguez) is the complete opposite of the sexually dominating flirty comics character and is a shy, slightly clumsy but very sweet and caring typical girly girl with a purse that’s also a chemical factory. Then there’s Fred, who is pure unbridled fanboy excitement in a rubber monster suit that lets him jump high and breathe fire.

Fred could so easily have been annoying but I love him. He reminds me of me.

I like these characters, a lot. They’re fun, they have clear well defined personalities and they have wonderful chemistry together. And they have cool and varied powers. My favourite moments in the film (aside from just, everything Baymax does) are their training montage and the fights where they get to show off their skills. I just wish we had more time with them in costume fighting guys. I understand that in the original concept there was more of this but it got cut to tighten the focus. Hopefully we can get a sequel or a TV series to flesh these guys out more.

So in summary Big Hero 6 is a classic family film narrative enlivened by an imaginative setting. great characters and some clever jokes. It’s not ground breaking in any way but it’s hard to find fault in it really.

It isn’t better than The Lego Movie though.

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I promised posts and here we are.

Still having problems uploading piccies though, grrrr.

So instead I have something special to share with you all.

She can do English too. This is her version of the ending theme to Final Fantasy VIII.

Some of the things I have talked about recently on Mummyboon have cropped up again in the news in short order so I figured I’d take the opportunity to follow up on them.

The saga of the mega-monkeys (or metabo-monkeys*) continues as the keeper updates us all on how their diet is going. Apparently it has been 2 months since they were put on a healthier diet of grains, vegetables and small fish and less bananas and sweet potatoes. The caloric intake of the monkeys ahs been cut by as much as 60% and signs and barriers have been erected to stop people throwing food to the monkeys. The keeper claims that there has been a noticeable improvement in the health of the monkeys but it certainly isn’t evident from the above photo.

That might be because some people are STILL feeding the monkeys! In fact the keeper is still finding candy wrappers and peanut shells in the monkey area (it isn’t a zoo but a park so the monkeys aren’t in cages). This is despite the high profile media attention the fat monkeys have been receiving and the fact that they clearly have obesity problems. I honestly cannot believe some people. They are either incredibly naive not to realise that the signs and warnings are in place for what is quite a serious health problem or are some kind of sadist that is actually trying to kill the monkeys. Knowing the general character of Japanese people I’m actually going to vote for the former.

*This is another great Japanese news story recently. The government have been trying to increase the Japanese peoples’ awareness of the health risks or obesity by renaming obesity/being fat as being “metabo.” Their hope is that “metabo” doesn’t have the negative connotations of obesity so people will be more confident seeking out medical attention from their doctor. They’ve published a fact sheet telling people when they qualify as being “metabo” and they hope that the “metabo” members of the population will feel less stigmatized and will seek medical attention earlier and with less fear. I have only two real thoughts about this. Firstly, that this is easily one of the stupidest things I have ever heard of any government doing and secondly that I have no idea why the Japanese government feels the need to create such a program when it has one of the healthiest populations on the planet.

Also it seems that the BBC has bought the rights to air “Tunnels”; the Japanese TV show that features the “human tetris” short I mentioned last month.

I reckon that this is probably going to be part of some “Tarrant on TV” style clip show making fun of Japanese TV (as is only right and proper. The international media gets Japan horribly wrong a lot of the time but Japanese TV deserves everything it gets) however I would be thrilled if the BBC are planning to produce their own version of human tetris.

Hrmmm, bit short. Tell you what, let’s talk about a uniquely Japanese phenomenon.

Everybody loves a good TV theme tune. Many’s the time I’ve had discussions with my friends about what the best them tunes of all time are and we’ve spent happy hours humming them away. However, with a few rare exceptions TV theme tunes remain as just that and rarely does a good tune cross over and become a genuine pop hit.

Not so in Japan. Most of the theme tunes for popular anime and dramas are done by established pop acts and the theme tune becomes a chart song, even an album track usually. In fact, some TV shows thrive purely on the strength of a really good song. Anime themes are everywhere in the pop culture of Japan. As song choices in computer games, as karaoke songs, as adverts, as number 1 hits and indeed as the theme tune to anime shows.

So here are a few of my personal favourite anime themes.

Let’s start with my all time favourite and the only one I have ever been known to sing at karaoke. “Flying in the Sky” from G-Gundam. My undying love for the sheer unbridled creative stupidity of G-Gundam has been mentioned a couple of times on this blog. Yes, this is the show with the giant robot fish.

However my love for the theme tune is entirely un-ironic. This is the best cartoon theme tune the world has ever known. It’s epic, ballsy, soaring and unbelievably 80’s. And most importantly it features Japanese people (or drunken gaijin) screaming “Flying in the Sky”, “Shining Finger” and “Bright you now” with pure unbridled joy in their hearts.

If this song doesn’t make you happy then you and I can’t be friends anymore.

Another popular karaoke song with my friends and the opening theme tune to “Full Metal Alchemist.” This is by the brilliantly named “Porno Graffiti” which I once thought my students were pronouncing as pornography. This has an insanely catchy tune and some of the most esoteric lyrics I have ever heard.

One of the many opening themes that Naruto has had and my personal favourite. The song is a bit shouty but it fits the character really, really well and I’m a big fan of the guitar work.

In contrast here is the first opening theme for Naruto. I can never decide if I like this song or not. It sounds sort of vaguely Billy Joel-ish but sung really badly.

Then he says “I waana rocks, rocks to the chest” and I burst out laughing.

From Cowboy Bebop. I hate Jazz and even I have to concede that this is amazing.

I am not hugely familiar with Fist of the North Star and this theme is not particularly inspiring (at least not until the Japanese Shirley Bassey kicks in and then it briefly turns into Led Zepplin) but I do know that it is incredibly fun to yell “You Wa Shock!”

This is only an anime on a really thin technicality (it was a French/Japanese co-production) but it squeaks by being bloody awesome. I opted for the longer song in favour of the actual opening theme with the proper lyrics. Why? Because more Ulysses 31 is always a good thing.

I guarantee that at some stage tomorrow you will yell either “uly-ey-ey-eysees” “bright you now” or “you wa shock!”

So apparently Tuesday was the busiest day this site has ever had with more new visitors than ever before. I credit this to the frequent mentions of naked men and so I shall be sticking the phrase “naked men” in as many posts as I can get away with. Now I just need to sign up to google ads and I can get some cash from all these poor deluded porn seekers.

In actual news, erm, not much. Work has been quiet but consistent and so bar nudist adventures in Okayama I haven’t really been able to go out and find new material for blogging. So I’m resorting to two old standbys, posting lots of videos and talking about my kids.

My Kids are Adorable.

Recently the big project with my Ichinensei has been to do a short speech about a famous person. They get to pick the person. Most of the choices are athletes or Japanese celebrities but every so often my kids surprise me. One kid desperately wanted to do Elton John (his group overruled him), one group is doing Marie Curie, another the Wright Brothers and one group of complete dossers opted to do “Son Goku” i.e. the hero of Dragonball Z.

I think they did this to impress me as they know that I like Dragonball. Plus it means that I can translate all the names for them (any time one of the groups doing a Japanese celebrity has a problem I just shrug and go get the JTE).

BTW for those not in the know here is Son Goku.

My favourite groups are those doing Japanese historical figures because I get to learn something too. However my kids have only just started learning the past tense so they’re really struggling to turn all the statements into past tense statements. My favourite example is the question they all have to answer “where does/did they live?” Pretty much all of the students opted to try and skip answering the did part of that statement (even though they theoretically know it) which posed a bit of a problem for the kids doing dead people. However ingeniously they all came up with the answer “he lives in Heaven.”

All together now, awwwwwwwwwwww.

My Kids are Significantly Less Adorable. In Fact they’re Little Shits.

So one day one of my kids asks me “do you like pornography?”

Now of course I burst out laughing prompting all the assembled boys to ask what is so funny. So of course I tell them what it means in Japanese (for all those curious it’s either Ecchi or Hentai) and they laugh even harder.

This was a mistake, now EVERY DAY I get asked if I like pornography. EVERY! DAY! My kids can’t do a joke just once, or in private, oh no. If something is funny once it’s funny a bazillion times. I’m keeping in good humour at the moment but eventually I will snap and put a child through a door. That is not an actual threat by the way, my kids are obviously adorable cherubs.

(just covering the bases there)

Worse, I now know that the kid didn’t say “do you like pornography?” but “do you like porno-grafitti?” who is a Japanese singer.

Yes it seems the new game is “see if we can get Adam to say a rude word.” Now I am perfectly happy to play along with this to some extent but not when other teachers are around. Also kids, don’t insult my intelligence. My Japanese is awful but even I’m not going to fall for “her name is Baka.”

Speaking of my kids being annoying this project has done something incredibly beneficial. It has allowed me to put a name to the Sonna no kankei nee guy. Kojima Yoshio I now know who you are and my vengeance will be swift and terrible.

Need some context? Okay. Kojima Yoshio is a Japanese “comedian” (and I use the term comedian very, very loosely) whom is my mortal nemesis. He does a routine called Sonna no kankei nee or “but that doesn’t matter.” My kids are OBSESSED with this idiot and quote him constantly, ask me if I like him, do his routines, try and get me to do his routines and generally driving me up the wall with constant references to this unfunny nuisance.

Here is an example of his routine. The bit where he looks like he is playing a guitar or hitting the floor is the Sonna no kankei nee part.

And no that isn’t me laughing.

Finally recently one of my students has been introducing me to some actually good J-Pop! I think it might help that I can’t understand the lyrics but I really, really like some of the artists she’s been introducing me to recently. They may be pop but they’ve got some awesome guitars, really distinctive vocals and a nice driving tempo. Fine art it ain’t but fun music, definitely.

In paticularly Tommy Heavenly (slash tommy february slash brilliant green, she’s a bit like David Bowie) and a lady known only as YUKI. Both are a bit like Avril Lavigne (with the benefit that I can’t understand them) with the difference that they’re both unconsciouss post-modern geniuses in the way that only japanese people can be.

This is Tommy Heavenly with the fantastically Japanese title “Lollipop Candy Bad Girl”. This may be one of the most hysterically bad videos I have ever seen. The opening part of the song is just for the video (and this is the short version) and the real song kicks in when the weird evil santa-gomes appear. The girl in glasses that shows up halfway through is Tommy February. Tommy Heavenly is a dream that Tommy February had of the perfect pop star. Again a bit like David bowie and Ziggy Stardust.

And here is YUKI with a MUCH better video for “The End of Shite.” That’s pronounced shee-tay but it’s okay to giggle. I did.

Nothing especially exciting going on in Nihon at this moment in time. Monday was “Coming of Age” day but I missed out on it for various reasons, tomorrow is my re-contracting interview, and after that there are no big festivals until mid-February so here are some odds and ends I’ve been meaning to get around to.

I survived my first earthquake.

Friday January the 11th at about 3 o’clock. I was sitting at the computer, dossing basically, waiting for the week to end and not really prepared to do any useful work with only 20 minutes left in my working day (technically 50 but I help out in cleaning time which starts at 3.20) when I noticed the computer screen beginning to shake.

Now at first I thought that I had just knocked the computer but this shaking didn’t stop after a good 3 minutes and eventually I figured out what must have been happening. The computer was an old fashioned box monitor on a wheeled trolley so it was never particularly stable to begin with, and not much else seemed to be shaking but I put a pen in a cup and this confirmed it. I was sitting in the middle of an earthquake.

It was pretty cool.

Japanese Crisps are weird.

Pictured is a packet of Pringles, not especially weird I’ll grant you but “Winter Salt” flavour? What exactly is winter salt, how does it differ from ordinary salt, what is it doing here and what does it want.

Other strange Japanese flavours include crisps including bits of real cheese (that are horrible), squid flavour (pretty good) German potato flavour (again it raises many questions but continues to be an enigma) and pickled ume (plum) flavour which I have not yet had but I have recently been informed tastes a lot like salt and vinegar. I always intended to eat some but now I am actively seeking out my pickled plum crisps.

However I think these easily take the cake for weirdest flavour of crisps ever.

CHERRY BLOSSOM FLAVOUR CRISPS!

No I’m not mistaken, it isn’t just a pattern they really are cherry blossom flavoured.

I haven’t eaten them yet but rest assured when I do you will get all the details.

Random left over photos.

Mentioned in another post but I forgot to put up the picture. Here is my lucky New Year bow and arrow.

Kate Roy rocking my new Trilby. People love to steal my hats.

Another refugee from a former post. I mentioned a high class shoe shop with a huge display of Ultraman toys in the front. Well here he is, dressed as Santa. Trust me on this, toys really are cool in Japan.

“Gaylord” is a famous Indian restaraunt chain in Japan and a source of constant amusement to me.

Whilst shopping for Christmas presents I was attacked by giant monsters (Kaiju). Fortunately the Power Rangers (or rather Sentai Ranger) saved me.

Things my students do.

So one kid asked me on my first day to call him Michael. This isn’t his real name and is actually a bit of a racial slur, akin to us calling a Spanish person Pedro or a French bloke Pierre just because of their nationality. However I have real trouble remembering kids names, particularly Japanese names, so I’ve been calling him Michael since then.

Recently he started asking me if “I have two golden balls?” Following the unofficial JET code I pretended not to understand what he was saying and feigned that he was talking about David Beckham. However recently he has added “do you have a penis?” but pronounced “pen” as in the tool you write with and “is” as in the first part of the word easy. Well, I thought toy myself, if he’s bothered to learn the word I may as well teach him to pronounce it properly.

Today he yelled it at me in the middle of cleaning time across a crowded room whilst the homeroom sensei was in there.

It was good luck she doesn’t speak English.

What I’ve been up to recently.

I had a FANTASTIC weekend recently. I mentioned on this blog previously that one of the big ALT past times in Kobe is Airsoft. Basically paintball but with small bb pellets instead of paint. I mentioned my almost fatal collision with a tree and my fall down a mountain (which has earned me the nickname “the Lumberjack”) I even went so far as to buy my own gun.

And here she is, her name is Mariko.

Well Saturday one of our resident drunken Scots Johnboy held a party in Hanyama, the other of the two major ALT residential areas (I live in Gakuentoshi) which just happens to be where the mountain we shoot on is.

So after a night of drunken debauchery I got up bright and early to run around a forest pretending to be a commando. No actual hits this time (although I got shot plenty) but I did manage to win one game by capturing the flag and put in a respectable performance tactically.

Following this we went to Yaki-niku for all you can eat fried meat and drinking.

Beer, guns and fried meat, could there be a more manly way to spend a day.

Maybe if we’d done some heavy lifting as well.

This is a picture of the lot of us tooled up and ready to rumble.
From left to right.
Top Row
Bryan “The Lion”, Jason “Deuce” Bigalow, Ryan “G-man” Glasnovich, Brindley, James “Poncho”, Adam “the Lumberjack” Halls, Patrick and John (no nicknames yet)
Bottom Row
Jim “the Grim Reaper”, Adam “the detonator” Debter, Kevin “Sarge”, “Alaska” Dave and
“there but for the” Grace “of god” also known as “Fallen from” Grace and “the snarling beast”.

This was followed by yet another party the highlight of which was Songstar a karaoke computer game and thus something I intend to own at any cost.

I am mildly famous.

At University I dedicated a ridiculous amount of energy helping to run a website called www.superdickery.com Cast all dirty thoughts from your mind immediately for this was not a porn site but rather a shrine to Superman and how much of a dickhead he is.

No I’m serious, go look at the site. In the 60’s Superman dedicated nearly all his time to playing elaborate head games with his best friend and girlfriend for no reason other than that he could. My job was to scour comic bins and websites for examples of so called “superdickery” “batdickery” and other general weirdness. I never ran the site but I was heavily involved in the forum (under my nom-de-plume bbsr) and wrote many of the captions and comments as well as finding many of the covers featured.

My University friends were totally apathetic towards this site and never once checked it out. However in Japan the subject has come up a number of times and everyone I mention it to has either heard of or read superdickery themselves.

And since this is a blogger blog and this is a bits and pieces post I am obligated by the rules of the internet to post some videos. Here is a frankly disturbing advert for Kewpie doll phone charms and a Malice Mizer video. The first to freak you out and the second to frankly marvel at the visual kei costumes.

I’m in a bit of a rush today so in leiu of anything of real merit here is a list of amusing japanese band names.

Apui – they’re not at all shit.

Balzac – also a bit harsh on themselves.

Beck: Mongolian Chop Squad – I really fancy a Mongolian chop right now. How about you famous alt rock musician Beck?

Bump of Chicken – this sounds significantly less appealing than a Mongolian chop.

The Candy Spooky Theater – and now I want some candy.

The Chewinggum Weekend – remember that weekend we chewed some gum? good times man, good times.

Earl Grey – what is it with the food themed names anyway?

Fake? – enigmatic?

The Gerogerigegege – I actually know what this means in Japanese and it still doesn’t make any bloody sense.

Godzilla and Yellow Gypsy – one of the weaker entires in the series. A traveller is not really a match for an 80 storey atomic fire breathing lizard no matter what the Daily Mail says.

Golf and Mike – this is a duo and neither of these are their real names. I understand the whole taking a nickname thing so I have no problem with golf but why Mike? His real name is Pirath, where’s he getting Mike from?

Happy End – I’ve got a very happy end right here, nudge, nudge, wink wink.

Head Phones President – I intend the visit the land of headphones one of these days. I hear it’s very quiet.

Husking Bee – ….a….no….no jokes fail me.

Hey Sey 7 – ok. seven…..was that meant to do anything?

kinki kids – I know why they’re kinki, they’re kinki for the same reason I am. Can you guess what I mean? Answers on a self-adressed postcard.

kome kome club – that’s ko-meh, ko-meh club and not what you were all thinking perverts.

MALICE MIZER – actually quite a good band. their name is short for malice and misery. It’s the answer to their own question, what is a human being made of? Malice and misery. Good band but they should cheer up.

Maximum the Hormone – ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Melt-Banana – ok…ewwwwwwwwww

Merengue – is it a pudding or a merengue? No it’s a band. Bet they’d go well with melt-banana.

Mr. Children – I know technically there is nothing wrong with this guys name but honestly doesn’t he sound just a little creepy?

Puffy AmiYumi – Ami and Yumi are their names and they are both apparently puffy.

actually in reality they’re not at all.

Fun Fact: Puffy Ami Yumi have their own cartoon in America but not in Japan. Also they sang the fantastic theme song to the Teen Titans cartoon.

Rice – seriously what is with the food names?

Seagull Screaming Kiss Her Kiss Her – this one is significantly less funny if you know what it’s a reference to. Answers on a self adressed postcard. Dad I expect you to get this.

Shilfee and the Tulipcorobockles – also known as the band that got their name when a cat sat on their keyboard.

Shonen Knife – translates as “girly knife” which sounds like an Australian insult.

SMAP – SPORT MUSIC ACTION PEOPLE. The Japanese Boyzone and exactly as horrifying as that mental picture is.

SONS OF ALL PUSSYS – Wait. All pussys? how does that work exactly? Surely you can only be the son of one pussy. Unless your a cat in which case at most you can be the son of 2 but in no way can you be the son of all pussys. No I think you need to rethink this one.

The System of Alive – I kind of want them to fight System of a Down. Don’t you?

Thee Michelle Gun Elephant – I christen thee michelle gun elephant. May god have mercy on thee and all who sail in thee.

Vajra – okay I admit I’m stretching now

AND NOW THE FUNNIEST BAND NAME THAT HAS EVER BEEN
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SPREAD BEAVER

Now if this were some punk band trying to be shocking it wouldn’t be funny at all but this guy is a sort of Mum’s favourite ballady type sunger. Think of him as the Japanese Ronan Keating….except his name sounds like a sexual instruction.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I’m done.

(I’m sory for everything Mum, really it isn’t your fault that I turned out like this.)

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