Archive

Tag Archives: Video Games

Pokémon X and Y have to be the worst Pokémon main series games I have ever played.

(waits as internet erupts in outrage)

Okay have you guys calmed down now? How about now? Still going? It’s okay I’ll wait.

Feel better? Okay, I’ll continue.

I stand by that statement but I do have to offer two caveats.

The first is that even the worst Pokémon game is still really good and I did enjoy playing Pokémon X.

The second is that Pokémon X and Y are genuinely innovative and they’re trying to change what a Pokémon game can be.

Black, White and their sequels were basically the most polished and well executed version of a game that dates all the way back to the Red, Blue, Green, Yellow days of 1996.

This is a version of the game with sprites, an overhead view and Pokémon battles that have minimal sprite animation. A version of the game where you get given a choice of 3 starters from a Pokemon professor. A version of the game in which your either catch Pokémon and forfeit experience or grind them into the dust. A game in which you start off not being able to catch much but  a few Pidgeys and Rattatas and that when you walk into a cave mobs you with Zubats.

Black, White, B2 and W2 were basically the most perfect possible version of this game. The sprites were gorgeous, colourful, beautifully rendered and full of character but they were still sprites and short of hand animating every Pokémon’s every move they looked as good as they were going to. The story was clever and inventive and challenged the very core of what Pokémon is all about but it was a story that felt very grounded in the rules established by the Pokémon world in previous games. What’s more there were lots of small touches, refinements and improvements that just made the overall game experience better than anything before. Putting shops inside Pokécentres for example, or the BWT or taking away poison in the over world.

Having created basically the perfect Pokémon game the only thing you can do to go forward is to change what Pokémon is, to fundamentally alter what the base level of the games is about and throw loads of new innovations in there. And X and Y have dozens of new ideas and completely game changing shifts. The addition of Fairy type, the nerfing of weather, adding loads more variety of species to each area, Mega Evolution, experience on capture, Horde Battles, Sky Battles, the list goes on.

Some of these innovations are welcome and great improvements to the game. I love that we get more variety of species in each area, particularly early on. Whereas in most games you fight nothing but small birds and small rodents in the first few areas by the end of the second route I pretty much had a full team with a wide variety of types. That’s great, it makes the game interesting and varied from the off. Some of the changes are less well thought out. Horde Battles are basically something I avoided as much as possible. If I’m trying to get somewhere I quite like being able to one shot scrub enemy Pokémon and just get on with the story. Forcing me to attack 5 times doesn’t provide me with a greater challenge but it does drag out the time. Similarly Sky Battles are really ill conceived. They add no depth to the combat except to exclude a bunch of popular Pokémon and provide a much more limited meta game. If Sky Battles had some kind of movement mechanic they might be interesting but as it is I basically skipped them.

Some ideas are good but need more polish. The additional XP should be nice but X and Y were the worst scaling Pokémon games I have yet played. In every game I’ve ever played yet the badge limits to control monsters hasn’t been a factor. Designed properly you should have monsters that are roughly equal in level to your opponents at any time. The badge mechanic is to stop you just grinding out one powerful monster and dominating the game or trading in a level 100 beast from an old game. What it should not do is kick in when you’re playing normally . The gaps between gyms early on in X and Y are ridiculous. My Blaziken had made it past lvl 30 before I reached gym 2 and I was deliberately trying not to use him. Then once you’ve beaten the 8th gym there is a loooooong grind to lvl 100 and not many ways to gain the XP needed to get there. Black and White were probably the most perfectly balanced and scaled Pokémon games yet providing me with a real challenge when I reached the Elite 4 for the second time but lots of ways to gain more XP to beat them.

The biggest changes of course are the graphics, Mega Evolution and the Fairy Type.

In terms of the Graphics Pokémon has gone from a top down sprite game on a fixed grid to a 3D polygon game. This is a mixed blessing. In battles it works amazingly well. The new Pokémon especially take advantage of the opportunities for a greater range of animation and more integration between what the monster is doing and the attack. This is the best looking game for battles yet, surpassing the home console versions easily. In terms of the map it’s much more mixed. Generally it works roughly the same as any old game did with a largely top down viewpoint. Whenever it goes behind your character though it is a mess. Lumiose city is practically unplayable its so hard to navigate. The problem is there’s no camera button so it becomes really hard to orientate yourself in what is basically a big circle where everything looks the same. It’s a nightmare and I avoided going to that city like the plague. And that’s a shame because it is full of stuff to do and clearly the centrepiece of the game but I’m sorry X and Y I just couldn’t find anywhere in order to do stuff. In the end I had to resort to using an FAQ and riding cabs constantly.

Then there’s Mega Evolution

Evolution is where one Pokémon turns into a different Pokémon gaining a stat boost in the process, changing its appearance and sometimes gaining new typing or abilities.

Mega Evolution is the same in every respect but the following.

1. in normal evolution the Pokémon cannot change back to the Pokémon it was before, but Mega Evolution only lasts for the duration of a Pokémon battle.

2. Mega Evolution happens during a Pokémon battle.

3. In order to mega Evolve the Pokémon must hold a special stone and the trainer is required use a special device which looks an awful lot like a wrist watch.

I don’t like it.

It’s hard to explain why I don’t like Mega Evolution but it basically has something to do with the story function of evolution. Evolution in Pokémon is not like evolution in real life since it happens to individuals and not to the species as a whole. Evolution in Pokémon is more like metamorphosis or puberty, an irreversible change that happens to an animal as it gets older. That’s why we get things like Caterpie evolving into Metapod evolving into Butterfree. It mirrors the life cycle of a real caterpillar as it undergoes metamorphosis and turns into a butterfly.

It may not function exactly like something in real nature but it gestures towards it and helps reinforce the nature theme of Pokémon. This isn’t an RPG where levelling up is some kind of arbitrary mechanic but instead relates to an animal ageing and maturing.

It also allows for some cool story telling ideas built into what is ultimately just a game mechanic. Look at Magikarp to Gyarados or Feebas to Milotic which reference an ancient Chinese myth and the ugly duckling respectively. Cool evolutions can lead to some really cool Pokémon concepts. In fact Gen 6 actually has some of the most imaginative evolution mechanics I’ve seen in any games so far.

The key thing that cements the reality of this mechanic for me though is that it isn’t reversible. Once you’ve evolved that’s it, you can’t go back and whilst you always get a stat boost from evolution you can lose something in the change in appearance or even in a type or ability change.

Being reversible Mega Evolution is more like a form/forme change like when Rotom turns an electric ghost into an electric ghost possessing a washing machine, or a refigerator, etc. Or Cherrim opening up its leaves during the sunshine.

Form changes have been a part of the game since the 3rd Gen and I have never had a problem with them, in fact I actually really like them. The reason I like them over Mega Evolution is twofold.

Firstly Form changes usually only have an aesthetic change like Sawsbuck’s appearance changing with the season. When they do have an in-game effect it usually has an advantage and a drawback i.e. the various forms of Deoxys which sacrifice defense for speed as one example.

Secondly the form changes all said something about the Pokémon in question, they opened up a story telling ideas. Why can Deoxys change form? Because he’s virus themed and viruses mutate rapidly. Why does Sawsbuck change forms? Because his horns are tree branches and he’s showing the cycle of trees as season’s change.

Mega Evolution doesn’t do this. Every Pokémon that mega evolves does so in the same way, magic stone plus wristwatch and the designs don’t give any kind of storytelling idea other than slightly spikier version of existing monster.

What Mega Evolution most resembles is the concept of Henshin, or change, that you get in shows like Power Rangers or Kannen Rider. Think about it, with the wristwatch device, the magic stones, the special effects and the striking a pose doesn’t Mega Evolution remind you of the Power Rangers Morphin’ Sequences?

Once you realise that it becomes clear that Mega Evolution fits into a tradition of transforming and powering up that is huge in Japanese culture and all over anime and computer games. Super Saiyans in DBZ, Guyver, Digimon, Power Rangers, Gurren Lagann, Super Mario, and on and on and on.

And so whilst this is an accepted pat of anime story telling it isn’t something that has ever been part of Pokémon before and it has nothing to do with nature or mythology which is traditionally what inspires the designs and stories in Pokémon.

It’s taking a very un-Pokémon concept and inserting it into the game and it doesn’t make a good thematic fit.

It doesn’t help that it isn’t even really a very strong gameplay mechanic, a power-up with no real drawback doesn’t add much strategy to the game. In almost all cases why wouldn’t you just mega evolve any Pokémon you have that can? The only reason not to is if your Pokémon needs another item such as a leftovers to be viable.

It’s also weird that Nintendo generally gave these Mega Evolutions to Pokémon that were already very, very useable. Blaziken is only of only two non-legendaries to make it into the uber tier (well this was the case when I started writing this but now plenty of Megas and Aegislash have made this jump) and is so powerful he’s outright banned in some competitions, he did not need a Mega Evolution, neither did Garchomp or Mewtwo. Charizard appreciates the boost as does Mawile but for the most part these seem kind of superfluous.

Having said my piece let me now say that the presence of mega evolution doesn’t ruin the game for me. I don’t like it but I don’t have to use it and it is really a very minor part of the mythos.

So since we’ve talked about it so much lets review some of the Mega Evolution designs.

Mega Blastoise and Mega Venusaur

images 003_mega

One thing I should stress is that whilst I don’t like Mega Evolution as a concept that has no bearing on what I think about the designs. Most of the Mega designs are awesome and I kind of wish they just replaced the existing final stage of the monster in question. Mega Blastoise is a great example of this. Giant turtle with a cannon on its back is already a pretty neat idea but I always wondered why Blastoise had two cannons pointing at different angles. They couldn’t fire together at the same target and he’d have to angle his head out of line with his target to fire straight. Even as a kid I recognised that this was dumb. Mega Blastoise though has no such problem. His three cannons can all move so they can all aim at one target and his new one massive cannon fires straight ahead! Also his bigger cannon just looks more intimidating and overall his design looks more balanced. I’ve gotta give him points for his stlyin’ goatee too, the first in a theme of awesome beards that defines this generation.

As for Mega Venusaur…..sorry guy but you got screwed. An extra flower, extra leaves and some garlands does nothing to improve your ugly mug.

Mega Charizard Y and X

600px-006Charizard-Mega_Y charizard-mega-x

Most people’s favourite starter gets not one but two Mega Evolutions and both are awesome for different reasons.

Y fixes all the issues I had with original Charizard and in my head canon this is just what regular Charizard looks like now. My main issue was that Charmeleon had all these design elements going on, horns coming out the back of his elbows, a single horn on his head, etc that Charizard just drops. Y puts them back in though turning the elbow horns into arms wings and giving him a crown of horns that again looks more symmetrical and aesthetically pleasing than Charizard’s original horns. I love the bigger scalloped wings too which make it look much more like it could fly. And taking the patch of colour all the way up to the mouth avoids giving the impression that Charizard has a fat tummy like he did before. It’s just all around better than Charizard, more refined and improved and shows off just how far Sugimori has improved over the years.

Charizard X is awesome though because he is METAL AS FUCK! HE’S A BLACK DRAGON WITH AXE BLADE SHOULDERS AND SPIKES AND BLUE FIRE AND HE’S BLACK AND OH MY GOD I NEED TO PAINT MY ROOM BLACK AND LISTEN TO SOME SLAYER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mega Mewtwo X and Y

Mega_Mewtwo_X704deea25e6443b9009b36281052bdf7

The other OG to get two Mega Evos is Mewtwo one of the most complex Pokémon and one of the few to have a personality, motivation and character. The Mega Evos are one of the rare examples of a Mega Evo that implies a strategy. X gains a secondary fighting type when he evolves so the Evo is far more muscular with more powerful looking legs and arms, a shorter tail and big manly shoulder pads. Y in contrast just goes all out on the psychic power so the body gets smaller, the feet and arms become even less developed and the head becomes much larger combining with the tail. The contrast in designs really sells the contrast in abilities and both designs work. I prefer Y overall though even if that seems to be a controversial opinion. Everything about Y’s design seems to sell unbelievably strong psyker for me whereas there’s stuff in X’s design that either doesn’t work or just isn’t aesthetically pleasing. I hate his feet for starters which look gangly and weird for a fighting type. I also think his big purple diaper looks goofy and so do his shoulder pads.

I can’t let any discussion of Mewtwo’s Mega Evos slip though without mention Freiza. You know Freiza? The popular villain from Dragonball Z. Changes forms and looks at various stages like this.

Frieza 3 FRIEZA4 Full_Power_Frieza

Yeah there’s some inspiration going on there and I’m just going to leave it at that.

Mega Aggron and Mega Tyranitar

306Aggron-Megatyranitar-mega

One of the things I do like the in the Mega Evolutions is the idea that these monsters are somehow unnatural. That their evolution isn’t something to do with nature but something forced upon them by an outside force. Consequently many of the Mega designs look like the animal is exploding with power, almost deformed by the strength they now possess. I don’t think any two designs better express this than Mega Aggron and Mega Tyranitar. In both cases they take the design and basically add loads o spikes but they do it in a very clever way, turning design elements from the previous monster, like Tyranitar’s head spikes, into exaggerated versions of themselves. It looks intimidating, it looks effective and it really ties in with the Mega Evolution concept.

Mega Aggron I like because his ability makes him the ultimate tank. He has the highest base defence in the game and is immune to super effective attacks making him a wall. And he now looks like a wall, wider, stockier and dumpier than before. I find his weird linked head spikes going through holes to be fussy and cluttered but overall I like Mega Aggron. Mega Tyranitar similarly kicks Tyranitar’s ass. His design is just so much more balanced. Whereas before he was weirdly lacking in the head and shoulders department compared to his body and legs the addition of head and shoulder spikes makes him look more balanced and overall just bigger and more intimidating. I particularly like his chest face. I don’t understand why his tail now looks like a peeled banana but I’m happy overall.

Oh yeah and he totally looks like space Godzilla now too.SpaceGodzilla

Mega Gardevoir

 

download (2)

I’m on record as not liking Gardevoir because a disturingly high number of perverts on the internet seem to be sincerely sexually attracted to her. Putting her in a wedding dress does nothing to fix this issue.

Mega Heracross and Mega Pinsir

MegaHeracross-Pokemon-X-and-YMegaPinsir-Pokemon-X-and-Y

Japan absolutely adores beetles, in particular two varieties of stag beetles they nickname Atlas and Goliath. Elementary school kids adore catching these things, putting them in boxes and making them fight each other. And now you understand why Bug Catchers are a thing in Pokémon games. Every Japanese man at some point in his life put on tiny, comfortable shorts, got a net and captured innocent beetles to fight for his own amusement.

As such I am not surprised Pinsir and Heracross got some Mega Love. Thing is, these both could work as just regular evolutions for these Pokémon who are just single stage evos in the game. They don;t have the exaggerated almost deformed thing going for them that many Megas do nor are they vastly improved versions of the original designs, they just look like what Sugimori’s sketch for an evolved Pinsir probably always looked like.

Of the two I like Heracross  more since his proportions, small head, short body, short legs and massive arms, really sell the idea of strength and power. That and I have no idea what the hell those orange things are in Pinsir’s design.

Mega Manectric

 

MegaManectric-Pokemon-X-and-Y

Are you okay Mega Manectric because that looks really heavy. That, that can’t be good for your neck. Do we need to get nurse Joy to help you little guy?

Mega Aerodactyl

MegaAerodactyl-Pokemon-X-and-Y

Continuing our theme of awesome beards, Aerodactyl is positively satanic with that Van Dyke and the new spiky evil eyebrows help sell it too.

Mega Alakazam

download (1)

So the evolution line for Abra, Kadabra and Alakazam goes like this.

Starts with no spoon.

Gets both spoon and moustache.

Gets an extra spoon and an even bigger moustache.

Following that logic the only place to go with a Mega is multiple spoons and an epic hermit beard. And he pulls it off well. I particularly like the yoga pose.

Mega Alakazam, you can’t fault the logic.

Mega Kangaskhan

115_mega

On the one hand Mega Kangaskhan feels very natural. What’s the ultimate form of a Kangashkan? Why using it’s baby in its attacks. Makes perfect sense and helps fill in some gaps in the Kangaskhan life cycle.

On the other hand, I really wish the baby Kangaskhan looked more like a Cubone so that this bit of fan canon could be true.

cubone_marowak_kangaskhan_by_periculant-d34ejtb

Mega Blaziken and Mega Lucario

257_megalucario-mega

Two examples where I massively prefer the mega form to the original design and wish this design just replaced it.

In Blaziken’s case I love Torchic and Combusken and despise Blaziken. May main complaints are that his hair is stupid, he had some weird feather cock thing going on, he didn’t look like a chicken and his hair is stupid. Well he still doesn’t look like a chicken but his feather cock is gone and his hair is much less stupid. In fact the change in shape to his chest and head balance his design much better giving approximately equal space to his body, head and legs. Unrealistic, yes but aesthetically pleasing. The new chest is more reminiscent of samurai garb too typing in with his martial arts theme. And the colour scheme just seems more dangerous and imposing.

Lucario is similarly much improved. I never got the love for the standing up, kick boxing dog before as he looked like a mess of randomly combined elements. I like Mega Lucario though. Like Blaziken his new shapes mean that space is more evenly distributed, the flare to his collar and dreadlocks add much needed visual interest to his head area and his slightly thicker, chunkier thighs balance out his height. Plus the addition of extra smaller spikes make the big hand, foot and chest spikes seem more organic. I like the change in colour scheme too which again seems darker and more imposing.

Mega Garchomp

garchomp-mega

You know how adding the colour red and more spikes actually seemed to improve Lucario? Well it doesn’t work for everyone.

Plus the original scythes looked more badass, your Mega can’t be less badass, that makes no sense.

Mega Scizor

212_mega

Scyther was such a good design and whilst Scizor wasn’t better he still had charm. This though. It’s all square and boxy where it should be sleek and knife like. And those legs, they looks barely attached and just weird and angular. This is a mess of a design and all the worse because both Scyther and Scizor are really great designs.

Mega Gyarados

MegaGyarados-Pokemon-X-and-Y

You know how we all think Gyarados is bad ass? How he has such a cool, sleek design that just screams rage and power. Yeah. It is amazing how much of that is owed to his neck. For some reason get rid of his neck and he goes from being bad ass and dangerous to unbelievably derpy. Magikarp is, in fact, marginally less awkward looking than this.

Mega Abomasnow

MegaAbomasnow-Pokemon-X-and-Y

What I don’t like about Mega Abomasnow is that design concept has disappeared. Abomasnow is supposed to be a tree covered in snow but nothing about these shapes suggests that in the slightest. Divorced from the concept though and this is a nice design. It conveys power really effectively. The stocky design with the head in the centre suggests size and the hunched over pose where it can’t even support itself really suggests weight. The exploding effect caused by all the lines radiating from the centre says power too, almost as if Mega Abomasnow is nearly exploding with restrained strength. It’s a cool design but it isn’t Abomasnow.

Mega Meditite

308_mega

So Meditite is one of the worst design ever, combining slutty lips, hammer pants and the kind of hat stoned people who went to India once routinely wear.

Mega Meditite retains the  hammer pants and draws more attention to them, retains the slutty lips and replaces the dumb hat with, and I didn’t think this was possible, an even dumber hat. It also adds some scarves.

I suppose the logic is that Meditite is ridiculous so for the Mega we’re going to double down on the ridiculous? It kind of makes sense.

Mega Ampharos

181_mega

So Ampharos is an electric/pharoah/giraffe. What is the natural next step in that deeply confused concept?

Got it.

Pirate

Male Model from the cover of Harlequin romance. It was the missing link all along.

Mega Absol

 

600px-359Absol-Mega

I think everybody likes Absol. He has such a unique design. He doesn’t really look like any distinct animal you can name but he does look like an animal and his yin/yang thing was subtly but effectively incorporated into his design.

Mega Absol is more of the same really except they’ve really, really leaned heavy on the emo thing. Absol always had this emo aspect to his concept since he was the harbinger of disaster and as such people hated him. They’ve now refined that by making him a literal angel of death and giving him the hair cut of Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy. He pulls it off though.

Mega Mawile

 

600px-303Mawile-Mega

I’m on record as not really liking Mawile because on first glance it is nigh on impossible to tell what is going on. Namely that I know it has a second face but could never see it. Mega Mawile though, so much better. Getting rid of the forward facing top knot, adding a second mouth and having the mouths stand up just looks so much better. The mouths both more obviously read as hair and look more like they’re attached to Mawile.Plus the new mouth design looks more threatening. This is another Mega that should just replace the original.

Mega Gengar

gengar-mega

Mega Gengar is considered one of the game’s absolute power houses, banished to uber tier he is regarded as annoying, amazing and powerful.

It is a shame then that his design is horrendous.

What’s wrong with Mega Gengar, oh god what’s right with it? Let’s start with a list of design elements that seem to serve no purpose. What is that gold thing on his head? What are the arm things he suddenly has if they even are arms and similarly what is that weird tail thing? Why is he glowing from beneath? On good Pokémon designs I understand why something is there, it’s either a signifier of some meaningful element (i.e. Bulbasaur has a bulb because he is a grass type) or to improve the aesthetics (i.e.  Charizard has a band of a second colour on his chest to break up what would otherwise be a large flat space. On Mega Gengar though I have no idea what anything is doing.

Even worse he used to have a cleanly defined design concept, he looked like Celfable’s shadow, and now that has disappeared.

However the biggest sin Mega Gengar commits is that he is at worse poorly drawn or at most charitable drawn in a style that doesn’t match the other designs. By this I mean that the other Pokémon are drawn with a realistic approach with regards to perspective, whereas Mega Gengar is drawn more like a comic strip character. Judging from how his body and arms are presented Gengar is in 3/4 profile here so he’s looking at about a 45 degree angle to our left and down. The means we shouldn’t be able to see his whole mouth, it should curve round to the other side of his face where we can’t see. similarly his right eye should be lower and his left eye either higher or gone entirely. It just looks wrong and disconcerting.

Mega Gengar looks better in game but this is easily the worst artwork from Sugimori. Not only is it a bad design, it’s a bad drawing.

 

Mega Houndoom

MegaHoundoom-Pokemon-X-and-Y

Remember back when Pokémon started and became the biggest thing on the planet? Remember the religious groups in America who saw it as a tool of Satan? Can you imagine how hard they would freak out if Mega Houndoom existed back then?

Mega Banette

 

 

 

354_mega

Speaking of child unfriendly, hey everyone it’s the gimp themed pokemon. Whose arms and legs are actually evil monstrous tongues. Because you’re never too young to learn about consensual S and M.

One of my running jokes is that the pokemon designs often reflect whatever the designer was looking at in his office that day. I wonder if that implies to the gimp mask pokemon.

 

The Fairy Type

The other massive change to the game in X and Y is the addition of a new typing, Fairy, the first new type since 2nd ed. This is a massive change but a very welcome one as it re-shuffles the meta game making long term threats like Hydreigon weaker whilst boosting some weaker monsters that have been languishing in lower tiers (Azumarill). It’s particularly welcome in that Fairies are Dragon killers and prior to 6th ed Dragons were easily the most over powered typing. With a massive suite of resistances, only two weaknesses and only one type that resists Dragon, Dragons were just the best typing on paper. And as one of their weaknesses is Dragon type the best way to kill them is often to have a Dragon yourself. Fairies having an immunity to Dragon attacks puts a solid counter on this but not so much that Dragon’s have been utterly nerfed, as can easily be seen by the fact that Garchomp is the most commonly used Pokémon in competitions.

In addition to nerfing Dragons, Fairies are pretty tough themselves. Most are specially defensive focused with a sideline in special attack and good neutral coverage. Xerneas using Moonblast can walk through teams until he reaches a special wall and the edge on Fighting and Dark types just makes them better. They lack a diverse movepool to make them as uber as Dragons but Fairies arrived as a top tier challenge. The effect of this is to create the need to try and get some Poison and Steel attacks onto your team to take out Fairies, and Steel and Poison are not normally considered attacking types so this shakes up the meta further.

My main complaint with Fairy types is that I don’t get the concept of the typing. With something like Water the concept is clear, this animal lives in or shoots water, make it a Water type. But what makes something a Fairy? It mostly seems to be the big pink blobs of previous generations like Clefable and Jigglypuff but then Chansey and Audino are big pink blobs and they didn’t get Fairy. Fairies in mythology are tied to elements and usually represent different flowers, rocks and other natural phenomena but that idea largely inspires Pokémon anyway and is way too broad for a typing. In practice the only common theme seems to be that Fairy types are cute, playful and free spirited so it reflects a personality more than an element. But then there are lots of cute playful Pokémonthat didn’t get fairy either (Pikachu, Plusle and Minun, Cherrim, Pachirisu) Fairy doesn’t seem to have a defined conceptual space and that bothers me.

Sylveon

sylveon

The first Fairy we ever saw sets the tone for most of the new Fairy designs in this generation. It’s pink, it’s cute, it’s covered in bows and frills and it references some stereotypically girly hobby or activity. In the case of Sylveon that would be the practice of dressing up your dog in cute outfits with little bows. It’s a nice spin on the eeveelutions = dog breeding thing without been too on the nose. Plus I just like Sylveon, it’s a balanced, striking design. One thing that does weird me out though is that the bows and ribbons are a part of her, like, made of flesh. Euuurggh,

Swirlix and Slurpuff

 

swirlixslurpuff

Girly activity number 2, eating sweets. Yes, I know men enjoy cotton candy just as much as the womenfolk but in Japan going out for sweets is seen as a very stereotypically feminine thing to do, so we get the sweet pokemon. Unlike Vanillish, the ice cream monster, Swirlix and Slurpuff do have legs so they’re marginally less silly, only marginally though. And that gap gets wiped out by Slurpuff’s hilarious face. I can’t tell if he’s happy or suffering from a concussion.

Spritzee and Aromatisse

spritzeearomatisse

Hey guys, did you realise that the Kalos region is supposed to be France? Oh, you did? What was your first clue? Was it that the region looks exactly like France? Maybe it was how the game seems to pack in every single stereotypical thing about France Gamefreak can think of. So we get fashion! art! fine dining restaurants! and perfume, personified by giving a cockatoo a big nose and making it pink. It kind of works but the lack of a mouth robs Spritzee of much of her personality.

Then we get to Aromatisse who personifies…can can dancers.

160035-250x375-CanCan-dancer

I know I requested less sexy Pokémon but this, this is not what I wanted. Aromatisse is horrifying, her flirtatious leg haunts my nightmares. Can can dancers may be French but they are not suitable subject matter for a children’s computer game or as the basis for designing cute animals.

Flabebe, Floette and Florges

 

flabebefloetteflorges

The most Fairy looking fairy-type. For me the defining characteristic of a Fairy is that it’s a flower spirit. However, Pokémon already has the Grass type, about  a hundred designs of plants with faces so how do you convey Fairy? The solution hit upon here, of having an animal that sits on a flower, carries it and eventually wears it is ingenious. Beyond that though I don’t have nice things to say. I don’t understand Floette’s enormous eyebrows (the work on Florges as exaggerated eyelashes), I don’t understand Floette’s ear/hair, I think the faces for all three lack personality and generally these are pretty meh. Also minus one point for yet another Pokémon in a bra. No! Bad Nintendo. No!

Dedenne

dedenne

This generation’s electric rodent is Dedenne (his name is straight from Japan, it’s an onomatopoeia for the noise of electrical wires) and I think he’s great. I love designs that take an element and incorporate their element logically and interestingly and Dedenne is a textbook example of that. His whiskers turn into electrical transmission wires and his tail into a power cable and he looks like a cute, happy mouse. Sugimori can do this kind of thing in his sleep by now but I’ll always welcome this kind of design.

Klefki

klefki

So I’ve started writing the entry for Klefki about 5 times now and each time it just devolves into rarge blargle OMG SO VERY VERY STUPID. Do I even have to write about it? We know it’s lazy, we know it’s dumb, we all hate it right? They didn’t even have the decency to put a spike on it. This is every lazy and horrible trend in pokemon design embodied in one beast, one horrible monstrosity that OMG SO VERY, VERY STUPID!!!!!!

Carbink, Diancie and Mega Diancie

carbinkDiancieDiancie Mega

 

I’m not normally keen on the inanimate object style Pokémon but there are things you can do with it that I like. Geodude is one of my favourite Pokémon of all time despite being essentially a rock with arms but he has a couple of things going for him. 1. Limbs. 2. a face. 3. a personality. Carbink lacks all these things. It’s a rock with eyes, and eyes drawn in such a way that I can infer no personality. It’s just boring.

Diancie in contrast has limbs, has a face and has a personality and as such I like her. I don’t love her (I wonder where she got the dress from) but she’s okay. If you’re going to do Rock Fairy this is what a Rock Fairy looks like to me, cute, happy, perky with adorable jewels, pigtails and a big poofy dress (the rock). Like other Kalos Fairies she embodies the stereotypically girly notion of precious gems but they don’t go overboard with it in her design. That of course is because they saved the overboard for her Mega which…I like. If the design concept for the Megas is OTT version of the original then yeh, Mega Diancie certainly pulls that off.

Xerneas

xerneas

The legendary Pokémon for X is a fantastic design. He looks like a real animal but incorporates dozens of clever ideas and concepts. His X shape is subtly but effectively incorporated(if you can’t see it the X forms between the front legs and the crown of horns), the crown of horns are a striking visual in their own right but really connote the idea of some powerful forest spirit, his sword legs look cool and dangerous, his expression is imperious and proud and the colours in his horns suggest his Fairy typing without painting him pink.

In keeping with the theme for this generation of “plagiarism” I can’t help but feel like I’ve seen him before though.

vlcsnap-1294013

Chespin, Fennekin and Froakie

chespinfennekinfroakie

So normally I review each evolutionary family as a whole but I thought I’d do something different this time. As news was coming out about Pokémon X and Y we got the starter monsters revealed as a trio, then their 2nd stage and finally they’re 3rd stages. I thought I’d replicate the impact somewhat here. So let’s look at these three on their own. Well, out of just this Fennekin is easily the winner. Fennekin is simply but she’s cute and the ear hair being turned into flames is one of those design elements I was discussing with regards to Dedenne. Chespin has more potential but I can’t work out what he is. Is he a squirrel? a chipmunk? a rat? He’s certainly some kind of rodent but I don’t know what. I can’t parse his hat as any kind of plant either. Normally it’s pretty clear what the plant aspect is meant to be but again, no clue.

Froakie meanwhile looks like Benjamin Franklin.

benjamin-franklin-religion

You can never unsee it now.

Quilladin, Braixen and Frogadier

quilladinbraixenfrogadier

BWA HA HA HA HA HA

quilladin

Just, oh my god, breathe. BWA HA HA HA HA HA! *gasp* inhale. BWA HA HA HA HA

Really? Really?? Do I even need to say anything? Look at him, just, stare at it. It is majestic in its awfulness.

You know what makes it better. The way its drawn here he looks like he’s fallen over and can’t get up. Like he’s lying on his back. And he’s just so gosh darned cheerful about it! Life has dealt Quilladin a bum hand but he is not going to let it get him down.

Frogadier is just kind of there. Oh and Nintendo, you don’t have to make the water starter always blue guys. We get that frogs = water without the help.

Braixen though is just awesome. She really reads as witch with only a few witchy icons but they work very well. I especially lover how her fur becomes a cute skirt. She looks like a teenager too which works for a 2nd stage. And I just love the flaming branch she uses. I like when Pokemon have natural weapons (Cubone, Leavanny) and a witches staff that shoots fire just feels like a natural fit.

Yes sir the Fennekin family definitely one the design lottery this time.

Chesnaught, Delphox and Greninja

chesnaughtdelphoxgreninja

And then Delphox shits the bed.

She just looks ugly and awkward, there’s too much…stuff. Her design doesn’t feel flowy or balanced it feels baggy. I know she’s wearing a robe but it looks like she has just too much fur, and worse some of the fur doesn’t make sense as witch clothing like whatever is going on at her shoulders. Plus her ear hair is just ridiculous now, it doesn’t look like fire anymore it just looks ugly. What a tragic waste of a good design concept.

Chesnaught however, redeems himself. Revealing himself to be a hedgehog…groundhog…muskrat okay I still have no idea what animal he is, but he does at least look knightly now and suitably intimidating. His overall shape works now, still being rounded but now the round shapes are all in the shoulders and back which convey power rather than roly polly cuddly chubbiness. He still isn’t very planty though.

Greninja goes from meh to undisputed coolest design in this generation. He’s a ninja, always cool and like all the best designs they convey ninja without giving him anything that doesn’t also convey frog, it’s all in the pose, the colouring and the body shape. That and the tongue which is inspired. Turning his long frog tongue into a scarf is just a terrific idea, even if it does go back to this year’s theme of “plagiarism.”

Shinobi_Hotsuma_by_scabrouspencil

Playing one of the great enemy’s games were we Sugimori-san? Shame on you.

Greninja also retroactively makes Froakie make sense. To reflect the setting of Kalos we have our fairy tale character, the knight, the witch and the thief. The Ninja look subs for thief but Froakie looks like a stereotypical Japanese bandit.

download (1)

 

Bunnelby and Diggersby

bunnelbydiggersby

This years useless mammals you catch early in the game are a better effort that most generations. Rabbits are good animals to base designs on having several iconic features you can fiddle with, in this case the ears. And in my opinion turning the ears into hands is a neat little idea that works well. The Diggersby evolution of that concept I also dig, turning the ears into excavators and giving him a control panel to manouveour them.

pimpdiggersby_by_vaporotem-d6pbbmh

Other than the ears and Diggersby 5 o’clock shadow (another one for the beards list ) there isn’t a huge amount else going on here though.

Fletchling, Fletchinder and Talonflame

fletchlingfletchindertalonflame

Talonflame….?

Talonflame?

You didn’t even try did you localisation team? Talonflame is actually a really neat design, He’s a hawk, on fire!!! And he has warning stripes on his tail. He looks menacing and you just panicked didn’t you.

Talonflame.

Here are 10 more creative names for a bird on fire than Talonflame.

1. Falcook

2. Hawkindle

3. Falcomet

4. Napalcon

5. Scorchawk

6. Firaptor

7. Robinferno

8. Peregrill

9. Hinoraptor

10. KFC

Scatterbug, Spewpa and Vivillion

scatterbugspewpavivillon

God, do I have to?

Scatterbug and Spewpa are just a mess, somehow bland and cluttered at the same time and I have no idea what the high concept is behind them. Easily the worst caterpillar in all of Pokémon.

Vivillion though, I like, a lot. She’s themed around LCD televisions and consequently that’s why her wings look like patterns of pixels and why her antennae resemble digital TV antennae. She’s a nice twist on a butterfly design already but what really makes her is all the different wing patterns.

tumblr_mujfeeNWyL1sbn0kmo1_1280

Sure it’s a blatant ploy to make it feel like there are more designs in this Gen than there actually are but it’s kind of cool. I also like that the different designs are linked to different geographic regions. That’s something that’s true of real animals and so  it’s nice to see it incorporated into the games. It also forces you to trade internationally which is a nice way to big up the new GTS and Wonder Trade improvements.

 

Lileo and Pyroar

litleopyroar

So we have had a lion Pokémonbefore (the Shinx family) but Lileo and Pyroar are the first lion monsters that really resemble the animal. Again, considering how iconic lions are and how often they feature in children’s picture books I’m surprised it took us this long.

There isn’t a huge amount to say about these two, they’re basically just cartoony drawings of lions, I’d have liked a bit more fire integration personally.  The one cool bit of fire integration they have done is incorporate the Kanji for fire into the pattern of Pyroar’s mane.

Skiddo and Gogoat

skiddogogoat

In contrast Skiddo and Gogoat are much more what I like. Animal they haven’t done before? Check. Element incorporated sensibly into the animal’s shape? Check. Lack of unecessary clutter? Check. Use of patterns to break up large areas of flat colour? Check. Everything I want and in addition to the element these two also have a secondary theme of being motorbikes. Can’t see it? Check the horns, Skiddo is meant to be a dirt bike and Gogoat has the swept back handlebars and backrest of an old school Harley chopper.

Pancham and Pangoro

pancham pangoro

Another pair that tick all the boxes, animal we haven’t done, no flat blocks of colour, uncluttered design, element incorporated, etc. What really sells me on Pangoro though is his evolution mechanic. Pancham only evolves when he levels up and there is a dark type in your party. And when he does he goes from being slightly cocky troublemaking kid to a full on bancho.

What’s a bancho? Well it means delinquent or gang member, and they look like this.

Oowada.Mondo.full.1508514

I love that, he only evolves when another dark type acts as bad influence on him. That’s such a fun idea and such a great example of how evolution can be used a story telling tool (and another reason why I hate Mega evolution.)

Furfrou

furfrou

Furfrou is a pokemon that exists for one reason and one reason only. As if there weren’t enough clues, may I remind you that the KALOS REGION IS MEANT TO BE FRANCE!

DO YOU GET IT YET?!!!

So of course we have to have a French poodle. But wait, Furfrou doesn’t look like a French poodle? Well he does when you take him to the hair dressers and pay to have him styled like thus.

12_Furfrou_full

The concept of a customisable Pokémon design is one I quite like. I’m a big fan of Rotom for example and adding more options like that I think is a good thing. But beyond the gimmick there isn’t anything else to Furfrou.

Espurr and Meowstic

espurrmeowstic-malemeowstic-female

Please enjoy some of the internet’s finest Espuur death stare Memes.

034

86f

8ce

415

 

Also female Meowstic has a beret becasue IT’S SET IN FRANCE!!! FRANCE!!!!! FRAAAAANNNNNNNNNNCE.

 

 

Honedge, Doublade and Aegislash

honedgedoubladeaegislash-shield

So this is a much better way to do the “it’s set in France” thing. France of course has a long history of chivalry and knights and the chivalrous values to some extent are still relevant in France today. Doing something with knights is a good idea and Honedge is a truly fantastic idea. A ghost sword is just inherently cool. Weapons are cool and weapon themed monsters are cool but the idea of this ancient blade coming to life to fight again just resonates with so much personality.

You can ruin a good concept with bad design though but fortunately Honedge is great. I love how the scabbard works as face but also reads as believable scabbard design. I love how the ribbon becomes a hand grasping the blade and I love the eye that appears to be part of the scabbard but is in fact built into the hilt. It’s a great idea executed flawlessly.

Doublade and Aegislash I like less but I still like. I’ve never been a fan of the combine two together evolution style so Doublade gets points off for that and Aegislash’s handle doesn’t look like any sword handle I’ve ever seen but overall a fantastic set of designs.

 

Inkay and Malamar

inkaymalamar

So these two are just weird. In case you don’t know, to evolve Inkay you actually have to turn your 3DS upside down. This is because Malamar is just Inkay upside down so the tentacles turn into Malamar’s hair and the head fins turn into Malamar’s legs.

It’s a very clever idea and takes great skill to pull off effectively as they have but I can’t say I’m in love with the actual design of either monster.

Binacle and Barbaracle

binaclebarbaracle

So its fair to say that Binacle is dumb. It’s a hand stuck to a rock with a face. Worse, it’s two hands stuck to a rock and I never liked the designs that feature more than one monster since something about it just strains my credulity. For example, you hatch an egg, you should get one Binacle, not two and a rock.

That said your theme is barnacle pokemon. I’m impressed you did it this well.

Oh and in case you’re wondering why they look like hands, they look like a Goose Barnacle which is a variety native to Japan.

binacle

In case you’re wondering why that’s in a bowl, it’s because it’s food. Japanese people will eat anything that comes out of the sea.

Barbaracle should be everything I hate. I hate monster designs where more than one animal comes together, I didn’t like Binacle and I don’t like anthro monsters but Barbaracle is just kind of brilliant.  Having each limb also be a head is just neat. This isn’t like having three Diglett’s hanging out somehow equals a new organism this is 5 different organisms working together as one monster. That makes Barbaracle a  siphonophore, a colony of specialised multi-cellular animals so closely integrated they cannot survive on their own, like a Portuguese man of war. It also makes perfect sense, you never see just one barnacle you always see a few sticking to one rock, but having them co-operate to turn that rock into a body is clever.

Plus he looks grumpy, and I love all the grumpy faced monsters.

Skrelp and Dragalge

skrelpdragalge

I’ve said it before and I will say it again. I completely understand why they have so many fish, that doesn’t mean any of them are interesting.

Clauncher and Clawitzer

clauncherclawitzer

I fucking love this!!!!

Firstly Clawitzer is based on an animal which is inherently awesome. He’s a mantis shrimp and if you don’t know why they’re fantastic watch this video.

 

BTW Nintendo, the one time it would have made sense to colour your animal like a clown having an accident in a paint factory you chicken out and make it blue.

So a mantis shrimp has the fastest punch in the animal kingdom, it can punch so fast it literally makes explosions!!! So how do we exagerate and cartoonify that?

Let’s turn one of its claws into an enormous cannon which is also shaped like a shrimp!

Genius!

I love Clawitzer and everything about it except it’s boring blue colouring, I want my Mega Evolution with an even more enormous cannon and a tiny body still the same size and I want it now Game Freak!

Helioptile and Heliolisk

helioptileheliolisk

I don’t know why but I’ve always had a thing for frilled lizards. I think I can trace it back to The Rescuers Down Under where a frilled lizard is one of the cast and I just always thought he looked cool. Heliolisk however is no frilled lizard. This is a frilled lizard.

download

That pathetic wimpy thing Heliolisk has round his neck can’t compare. I get that it’s meant to be a sunburst but  don’t get why they’re sun themed in the first place. They’re an Electirc type, sun is more of a fire type thing.

Tyrunt and Tyrantrum

tyrunttyrantrum

and

Amaura and Aurorous

amaura aurorus

It has taken us 6 generations to get the most obvious dinosaurs out of the way. A T-Rex and an Apatosaurus,  probably the most famous and iconic dinosaurs that every kid aged 6 knows about. Before we got to them we did ancient sea scorpions, archaeopteryx and even trilobites (all hail Lord Helix). And I can easily see why, Sugimori just doesn’t have any interesting ideas for what to do with a T-Rex and an Apatosaurus.

Tyrunt starts well, the proportions sell baby dinosaur well and he looks both cute and powerful. Tyrantrum though, it’s a T-Rex. Admittedly It’s a T-Rex with an awesome beard but aside from a head crest (which is okay) and a fur collar (which is baffling) it’s just so-so.

Aurorous is much better. The basic problem with an Apatosaur design is one of body proportions. To fit the shape into the size restrictions in Pokémon you end up with a massive gap between the head and body. Adding the fin helps this and balances out the design but turning the fin into the Aurora Borealis and the curve of the Apatosaurus’ neck into a snow covered mountain side is just inspired.

Hawlucha

hawlucha

I think we’re all agreed that Hawlucha is everyone’s favourite design this generation right? I mean, it’s a luchador hawk. All luchadors are inherently awesome and have visually interesting designs and the choice of animal, a high flying beastie with an intense stare just suits it perfectly. This little guy just exudes personality.

Goomy, Sliggoo and Goodra

goomysliggoogoodra

Okay, let me spoil Goomy for you.

Those two adorable little dots. Those aren’t eyes, they’re nostrils. The cute green chubby cheeks? They’re its eyes. Instead of being a cute cuddly wuddly goofball Goomy is in fact creepy and alien.

So Goomy, Sliggo and Goodra are based on slugs, snails and a H R Geiger guest directed episode of My Little Pony respectively. You’re probably thinking, okay, snails, that means France again right. And you’d be right. But you might also be wondering why the hell they’re dragon type? Well, let me tell you all about the Lou Carlcolh.

From Wikipedia

Lou Carcolh, or the Carcolh, is a supposed mythical beast from French folklore. It was described as being both a serpent and mollusk at the same time, taking characteristics from both types of animals. Its massive and long body carried an enormous shell upon its back, much like a snail‘s shell, that was believed to live in underground caverns in southwest France. Its gaping mouth was surrounded by several long, hairy, and slime covered tentacles that could extend for miles. These appendages stretched out from the cave it inhabited for a long distance and laid upon the ground among its own viscous slime. They would ensnare and drag back to its abode anything within reach. It would then swallow the victim whole with its gigantic mouth.

Lou-Carcolh-Blog-Post

image taken from Atlas Games

And since Dragon type refers more to being based in myth than any physiological characteristics, Goodra is a dragon.

Also beard. Horrible slimy chinbeard but still, beard.

Phantump and Trevenant

phantumptrevenant

So is Gen 6 the generation of “I can’t believe it took them this long to do that idea?” Because evil tree seems pretty obvious. Evil tree is like on of the first 10 monster ideas I come up with when I’m DM-ing. Certainly way before evil mask, evil candle or evil keys.

That said the reason it may have taken this long is again that I don’t think Sugimori has anything new to add to the idea. Trevenant is a generic evil tree that could appear in anything from Final Fantasy to a Mario game. In fact, with the relatively realistic proportions and high level of detail it doesn’t even feel particularly like a Pokémon design.

Pumpkaboo and Gourgeist

710gourgeist

I showed my fiance Pumpkaboo’s design when X and Y first came out and I don’t think she’s stopped squeeing since. I personally don’t get it. I agree he has a cute, fat bottom and his name is inherently funny but I kind of find him creepy.

I also like that they avoided the obvious route when making a Jack O Lantern monster. The added bat touches really make Pumpkaboo his own monster and give him his own distinct feel.

Bergmite and Avalugg

bergmiteavalugg

I do like these two. Avalugg in particular has such a unique design, the flattened top is so distinctive and so different from not only every other Pokémon but most monster designs in general. And in a weird way it makes him seem powerful and imposing. It’s also a nice spin on the idea that iceberg’s are small on top and huge underneath. Bergmite is all top and is small, Avalygg is all bottom and is huge. And in addition to that it references one of the more bat shit insane moments from history. Check his Pokédex entry.

“The way several Bergmite huddle on its back makes it look like an aircraft carrier made of ice.”

That is a reference to a plan the British had in WW2 to build aircraft carriers in the North Sea made out of Pykrete, a sort of frozen cement made of wood chipping. Pykrete is actually an amazingly durable material, about as strong as steel and very cheap to make….provided of course you keep it frozen, but that isn’t as hard as you might think. Ice is a great insulator and the original Pykrete aircraft carier took 3 years to melt. Yes, years. The Mythbusters once made a boat out of it. You can read more about it here and find out why it was ultimately scrapped.

Noibat and Noivern

noibatnoivern

It is entirely possible to read Noivern’s ears as the eyes of an owl looking sideways, this marginally improves this dull ass design.

Also another fur collar. Going back over the designs I actually count 18 fur collars this generation. That compares with only 5 awesome beards and that is catastrophic.

Yveltal

yveltal

Fur collar number 19. I know why it is here though, it helps balance out the shape.

I really like Yveltal. I’m a sucker for a few things and birds with horns are one of them plus turning those wings into hands. Yveltal has not one, not two but three weird hand wings (beating previous champion Lugia) and his pose makes him look like one massive grasping talon reaching out to get you. It’s all very cool and intimidating helped further by the black and red colour scheme, the lack of a mouth (which is always scary) and the weird but sinister black veins. It also incorporates the Y shape subtly but effectively. Between Xerneas and Yveltal we got two great legendaries this generation. Also, Gen 6 gives us the fewest legendaries yet with just 3. Yveltal, Xerneas and Diancie. Yeah I know about Hoopa and Volcanion but until they officially release them I won’t be reviewing them because I won’t be able to get a decent image and…

I forgot one?

Which did I forg..ohh. Oh.

Zygarde

Zygarde

 

Is a piece of shit.

You want more, okay. He’s a Ground/Dragon. Nothing on his design says ground or Dragon. His Z is barely there and the shape is ruined by his back crest which is just one of many design elements which signify nothing. Why the back crest? Why is he covered in hexagons? Why is he asymmetrical?  This design is a combination of elements that neither work individually nor as a whole, he’s crap and I didn’t want to end the generation on him so let’s look at Hawlucha again.

hawlucha

 

So much win.

In general Gen 6 is a mix of trying too hard but failing and succeeding but being boring which applies to the gameplay as much as the designs. That said Gen 6 has staked out a course. The first 5 Pokemon were all in one evolutionary tree getting better and better. But now, now nothing will ever be the same again and franky, I’m excited to see what comes next.

 

 

No, Teenage Mutant Ninja Origins is not dead but I need to watch the 2000’s more anime styled series and the new series before I can talk about it further. In the meantime watch this.

NES and TMNT are up there in my personal favourite things list but last time they were combined we got the TMNT NES game and the world’s most difficult video game level; the underwater bomb disposal level. This is significantly less irritating.

 

So this is a thing that happened today

I theorised that we’d probably get Mega Evolutions for the new three starters in X and Y but I did not expect them to go back and come up with Mega Evolutions for the original three.

I’ll be critiquing the actual designs when we finally get a list of all the pokemon that are going to be in this game (which should be soon right, we’re less than two months away and have still seen hardly any monsters) and I do a full design review but just briefly I like Charizard and Blastoise a lot but Venusaur still looks incredibly derpy I’m afraid.

The Digimon comparisons feel even more apt with the use of weird wrist devices to trigger evolution. Now weird devices to trigger evolution have existed in Pokemon before, evolution stones, weird rocks, etc but again they were permanent changes to your monster. Using some kind of weird device to temporarily shape shift your monster and power it up is entirely Digimon’s shtick and it feels weird to have it in a Pokemon game.

And as if that weren’t weird enough going back and doing it to the original three feels even weirder. These three guys are up there with Pikachu as the first things most people think of when they think of Pokemon, messing with them just seems, ill advised to me. I’d prefer these guys to be left alone really to stand as all time classics but adding something new doesn’t take the old stuff away agin so whatever. And hey if 10 year olds think Charizard is cool again I’m fine with that.

Still I am happy I can play with a Kanto starter again. Since I have a Venusaur and a Blastoise saved on my current game I guess I can get a Charizard, and add Mewtwo, Golem and Zapdos to it and recreate my old Gen 1 team.

 

 

So I was disappointed to find out that skipping posting on Saturday did not cause the internet to break in half. I was half hoping that the lack of regularly scheduled Mummyboon content would cause much wailing and gnashing of teeth and that my inbox would be flooded with suicidal lamentations.

Sadly this was not the case…all I ask is your undying affection and obedience without hesitation. Is that too much?

Nonetheless you might be wondering why I no post? Well because I’ve been on holiday enjoying the wonders of Northern France and Holland (and yes it was Holland specifically before anyone gets pedantic). I’d built up a bit of a buffer before going away but didn’t have a chance to post anything between getting home and Saturday coming to pass.

I didn’t want to skip the week entirely though but I don’t have the time to put anything particularly complicated together so here are my comments on a few nerdy news announcements.

BH6_D23

Whilst I was gone D23, Disney’s big annual fan convention happened and we learned lots about upcoming Disney projects, including one I’ve written about before Big Hero 6.

“Big Hero 6” features brilliant robotics prodigy Hiro Hamada, who finds himself in the grips of a criminal plot that threatens to destroy the fast-paced, high-tech city of San Fransokyo. With the help of his closest companion–a robot named Baymax–Hiro joins forces with a reluctant team of first-time crime fighters on a mission to save their city. Inspired by the Marvel comics of the same name, and featuring comic-book style action and all the heart and humor audiences expect from Walt Disney Animation Studios, the CG-animated “Big Hero 6” hits theaters in 3D on Nov. 7, 2014.

Whilst I still think San-Fransokyo is an appalling name I kind of like the notion that this is going to be a world that freely mixes bits of Japanese and American culture. The Golden Gate Bridge with Torii Gate stylings in the concept art posted above is particularly nifty. Considering this is a property that was two American guys doing their best to affectionately parody Japanese concepts and ideas that themselves were often riffs on American concepts setting it in a world that is a strange mixture of American and Japanese culture is a smart idea. It also avoids the potential problem of audiences in America being put off by a Japanese setting and too much Japanese cultural baggage.

Nintendo have announced loads of Pokemon news recently, particularly regarding the new games X and Y. Whilst Black and White basically perfected the formula as it has stood for 5 generations now X and Y seem to be shaking up the game considerably. 3D graphics and movement, customised attack animation,  new ways of battling (Sky Battles and Horde battles with 1 pokemon against 5 aggressors) riding pokemon and a new type, Fairy type.

Incidentally I totally called Fairy Type back in this blog post here. You may refer to me as Nostradamus from now on.

But the only change I want to talk about is Mega Evolution.

What is Mega Evolution? Why watch the video above and find out.

Well, did you watch it? Did you find out what it is?

Fucking stupid, that’s what it is.

Okay, okay, gameplay wise this isn’t a massive deal. Pokemon that change form have been a feature of the games since the 2nd generation. Now usually these form changes don’t happen during battle and if they do they usually don’t effect stats whereas clearly these new forms will all improve the pokemon’s stats as well as alter their appearance. That’s fine by me. I don’t think Baziken or Mewtwo need to be any better than they already are but  it’s a cool mechanic and it allows for four stage evolutions which was always going to happen at some point.

What I have a problem with is that it turns the game into Digimon.

In Digimon evolution is a temporary thing. You activate it for a short period and then when your monster has used that strength boost it reverts back to an earlier stage in its development. Also all these stages have terms attached such as champion stage, ultimate stage and of course “Mega”*

Evolution in pokemon is a permanent mutation with pros and cons. Although your monster gets stronger it also gets less cute and learns moves more slowly. Also it can change the typing and the ability entirely and once your evolve there is no going back. Mega Evolution then isn’t an evolution in pokemon terms, it’s a power-up coupled with a sprite change. It shouldn’t be called evolution.

I doubt it will bother me too much whilst playing the game (unless it becomes a major plot point) but it is the first piece of X and Y news I’ve actively disliked.

On a more positive note Nintendo also announced Pokemon: The Origin, a oneoff anime special that will tell the story of Red and Blue.

Who are Red and Blue you may ask? Well they’re the stars of the original pokemon games and the original pokemon manga.

“Isn’t that Ash Ketchum?” you oh so naively ask?

NO, NO IT ISN’T ASH FUCKING IDIOT KETCHUM! YOU SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH NOOB! RED IS AWESOME ASH IS A TEN YEAR OLD IDIOT WITH SOME KIND OF GROWTH DEFICIENCY AND…

Sorry I, may have lost my composure for a bit there.

But to answer your question more succinctly, no, Ash is the star of the anime and is very similar to Red but Red existed as a character prior to the anime and has a few key differences. For starters he is a much more seriously minded character and a far better pokemon trainer. Ash has never won a league but Red became the champion of the original league and an enemy trainer in Gold and Silver.

This new anime is the first time Red and his rival Blue will feature in a cartoon. I’m usually not a fan of the pokemon anime. It’s fine for what it is; a cartoon to get kids interested in buying pokemon games and toys and whilst I haven’t watched the original Japanese version** the English dub can be surprisingly funny at times.

Pokemon: The Origin though looks like a lot of fun. As well as pushing all my nostalgia buttons hard the animation looks gorgeous. Nintendo may have convinced me to watch a pokemon anime for the first time since I was ten.**

Last bit of nerdy news to discuss is the announcement of the new Doctor Who: this guy.

Peter-Capaldi-Doctor-Who1-1060x655

My reaction to the last two new Doctor announcements was “who?” followed by “he’s a bit young isn’t he?” followed by instantly loving them once I got to see them perform as the Doctor. So the fact that my reaction this time was “oh I know him, good actor,” followed by “oh and he’s the oldest doctor since the first, interesting.” might just mean that I have doomed Capaldi’s efforts before they begin.

Seriously though Peter Capaldi is a fine actor and he can do that turning emotions on a dime thing that David Tennant used to do in his sleep. He’s bound to be significantly less physical than Matt Smith but this is no bad thing, and the age gap means we can shake this companion/doctor romance stuff that has permeated nearly every doctor/companion relationship in the modern show.

I also like the fact that millions of fangirls on twitter are upset that they cast an older bloke because I am perverse and enjoy the misery of others. Especially fangirls and fanboys.

It will be sad to see Matt Smith go though. He is easily my all time favourite doctor. It’s all in the way he moves; like an alien who isn’t sure what his arms are for.

Sadly Steven Moffat will be staying on as show runner which is a shame. I love Moffat as a writer, Coupling, Sherlock, these are some of my favourite TV shows of all time and the episodes he wrote whilst Russell T Davies was in charge of Doctor Who were among the best the show ever produced. However, his tenure as show runner has been overall bad. There have been some highlights and some good stories but the general quality of stories has taken a sharp turn down.

So that’s my thoughts on some recent nerdy topics. Tomorrow normal service resumes with some film reviews.

* this knowledge gained entirely from the anime, I never played any of the games

** this isn’t strictly true actually, I used to watch it on the treadmill at the gym in Kobe but between running and it being in Japanese I didn’t really follow the dialogue very well. Other things I used to watch whilst on the treadmill included baseball and sumo which are a bit easier to follow without dialogue.

It took me so long to do my entire set of Pokemon reviews (I wrote jokes and analysis for more than 649 entries, I’ve done something like 30,000 words on the damn things) that before I had even finished 6th generation had already been announced. We’ve seen a few Gen 6 monsters but the one that everyone seems most fascinated by is this guy.

Sylveon

Sylveon-Official-Art_300dpi-610x764

Which is a new Eeveelution. Although my dislike of new evolutions of old monsters is on record on this site and others I make an exception for Eeveelutions. The basic concept of Eevee, he’s a little squirrel dog with the potential to evolve into multiple types much like how dog breeders can get a lot of shapes out of the same basic genetic material, is fantastic and the only problem with it is he can’t evolve into every type yet. This is a problem, and I firmly believe Eevee should be given an evolution for every type in the game. I’m also not the only that feels this way; something I’ll get to later.

Because of that news of a new Eeveelution was greeted with much rejoicing by me.

And then I saw it.

Wow that thing is, girly, very, very girly. I mean not only is it pink but it has bows and ribbons, give it a my little pony and it’s the platonic ideal of a seven year old girl.

I actually don’t have a problem with the girly though, this is a fine design. Basic uncluttered body with a few distinguishing elements. My only gripe is the tail and ears haven’t been incorporated as well as other eeveelutions. With something like Jolteon the ears and tail scream electric type at you, same with Vaporeon and Leafeon. Ah but there’s the rub, what type is Sylveon?

When Nintendo released the image they intentionally kept the typing a secret, indeed they made a big deal out of it and the internet has been trying to figure out what type she is ever since. Based on appearance alone I’d have to go for normal type. There are plenty of Pokemon whose defining design characteristics are big pink ears, pinkness in general and girly touches like bows and ribbons. Chansey, Snubbul, Audino, Wigglytuff. These are all normal types. Thing is, giving a normal type evolution to a normal type Eevee is a bit boring and it doesn’t make sense for Nintendo to make a big deal out of a normal type so many people seem to think Sylveon is actually a new type.

I can buy that.

We haven’t had a new type since Gen 2 and Gen 6 looks to be a much bigger change to the core game mechanics than any since Gen 2.  We’re moving into 3 dimensional movement and polygonal displays (way to catch up with 1996 Pokemon. awww, I’m kidding. I loves ya.) and a big change isn’t out of the question. The trailer also makes a big deal out of light and sound with new Pokemon Xernias being bathed in light and Yvetal making a loud noise. The current theory is that all the Pokemon with similar designs to Sylveon, bows, pink, big ears could be moved into a new type called light, fairy or even sound. My only request is I’d still like to see some of the existing types get an Eeveelution. Like I said though, fans are ahead of me there and have come up with some Eeveelution concepts of their own. My favourite is this one.

dowant_eeveelutions (2)

This guy is part of a set of Eeveelution designs I saw posted on pokememes.com . I couldn’t find the original artist so if anyone does know who drew these please let me know so I can credit them accordingly. Honestly these are the best fan Pokemon designs I’ve ever seen, they perfectly replicate Sugimori-San’s art style and the colouring quality and they show a lot of invention and thought.

My favourite of the bunch is the fighting type above. I like that its still recognisably a dog and still on four legs but that you can tell straight away this is a fighting type. A lot of that goes into the taped up legs which really says martial arts but other touches lie the shortened tail and ears and the scar sell the idea too. It’s a great design and I’d love to see it crop up in a future Pokemon game.

Second favourite is the flying type.

dowant_eeveelutions (6)

Most flying type Eevee’s I’ve seen just go the lazy route and give it wings. This design does turn the tail into wings but what’s far cleverer is turning the furry puffs into clouds. Turning a poodle into clouds is again, recognisably a dog but also says flying type at you. The pose helps too since it appears to be flying but also looks like a happy dog running to greet its master.

dowant_eeveelutions (9)

Ghost is another great one. We’ve got a lot of variety in dog body shapes here and I love the long floppy spaniel ears, something no other Eeveelution has. The ears folded down works well to suggest melancholy and helps it stand out from the others and sell the ghost idea too. Plus bandages is such a simple addition to make it a ghost but works so well.

dowant_eeveelutions (4)

Poison is not a brilliant entry. Although a very attractive looking design a lot of people mistakenly thought this was the ghost type. That’s because not a lot here says poison. The one big poison symbol is turning Eevee’s fur ruff into a cloud of poisonous gas. That’s very clever and very striking but can be mis-read as suggesting a ghost type. Maybe making it a sickly black and yellow colour rather than purple would help.

dowant_eeveelutions (5)

Ground is a hard type to define since so many ground types are so varied and it can be easily confused with the rock type. I’m not sure what individual element here says ground but something about the whole does suggest it. It’s also another striking and attractive design.

dowant_eeveelutions (3)

Normal poses a challenge since there is nothing at all intrinsic to normal types. Instead they took the already normal type Eevee and just altered the proportions to make it look more like an adult and less childlike. So we have a large body, longer limbs and a smaller head in proportion to the rest of the body. Basic, but assured.

dowant_eeveelutions (11)dowant_eeveelutions (8)

Steel and Rock are pretty similar. Replace the ears, tail and ruff with something made of the element. They aren’t bad by any stretch of the imagination but there’s nothing clever here. Maybe making them into a different kind of dog would help, like a bulldog for rock or a great dane for steel.

     dowant_eeveelutions (7)  dowant_eeveelutions (10) 

Bug and Dragon are probably the only entries I don’t like and even they have features I think are good. I like how bug’s ears get turned into antennae and his extra eyes. I think the wings are overkill and more could be done with the tail such as making it a scorpion tail.

For Dragon I like the horns but again more could have been done with them making them proper Japanese dragon antlers. I’m not a fan of the tail or wings and think maybe turning the feet into claws would help. Also the colouration is a little similar to bug, steel and flying, why not something more dragony like an orange or green?

So a real Eeveelution and some fan Eeveelutions. And with that I’m all done with Pokemon stuff until we start getting a few more Gen 6 designs to critique.

Generation 5 is one of the more polarising generations with a lot of people really, really hating it. The common criticisms of it are that the designs are unoriginal, basically just re-dos of earlier monsters, and that some of the designs are just irredeemably stupid in concept such as an Ice Cream monster.

Whilst I can certainly understand these complaints I can’t agree with them. For me Generation 5 is a superb generation. Not only does it have tons of original ideas it also has polish. The designs strike a wonderful balance between the early, iconic stuff and the later more complicated designs without featuring tons of extraneous details. The colours aren’t overly fussy but pop and compliment each other. It’s just overall great.

Partly this is because Nintendo seemed to take to heart the criticisms of generation 4 and took a real back to basics approach with the games Black and White. For the first time since Red and Blue we get 150 all new monsters. No evolutions or prevolutions of older monsters and no monsters from original games appearing at all in this one, until much later in the game at the very least. In that sense it’s a lot like generation one. And that’s not the only Gen 1 throwback either, consequently you get a lot of homages to older designs. Now I know that I criticised the last generation for going to the RGBY well too much but the approach taken in Gen 5 is much better. These aren’t extra evolutions but a reinterpretation of a similar idea, and usually a more confident and developed interpretation to boot. I’ll discuss that aspect more in individual entries.

The other big design theme is the concept of New York. The Unova region is the first region not to be  based on Japan but rather New York and Manhattan. Consequently we get a lot less natural designs and a lot more monsters based on inanimate objects and human themes, reflecting the lack of nature in New York when compared to the nature obsessed Japanese. It opens up the conceptual palette a lot more and means that even when monsters are similar to older designs they usually have a few key differences to distinguish them.

Finally the games themselves are brilliant, indeed they may be my favourite Pokemon games. There are so many refinements and improvements that just massively improve the game. Moving the Pokemart into the Pokecenter is such a small thing but such a time saving thing that speeds up the more tedious aspects of the game. Making TM’s re-usable is brilliant and opens up the combat along with move tutors for really powerful but rare moves. Then there are the new innovations which aren’t gimmicks but add real depth to the game and much needed extra dimension, month cycles, battle subways, black/white tower, online functionality, Pokemon World Tournament, etc.

Gen 5 was in fact my entire inspiration for these articles since it got so much hate from a certain section of fandom and I love it so much that I honestly felt I had to speak up for it.

Victini

victini

What? Not a grass type starter? but, but every generation starts with a grass type!

Well usually but here we get the first of our (many, waaaaay too many) legendaries in the mold of Mew, Celebi, Jirachi etc we have the spirit of victory Victini.

His big theme is the letter V, for the fifth generation and also for victory. As such we get his big V ears and his v for victory gesture. I love that gesture, it is far and away my favourite thing about Victini because it is so very, very Japanese and I doubt most people pick up on it at all. You see Japanese people almost always do the v for victory thing in photos. Seriously go google Japanese teenagers (you might want to safe search it), first picture on my google images is a classroom full of kids doing that gesture.

You want some more examples…

a-jsbiggroup1 peacesign

And let’s have some of me and random Japanese people

4894_914790974443_2264460_n

23535_482555295369_2201694_n

The ini part of his name comes from genie and hence his hammer pants (I find it odd that at least two pokemon have hammer pants. One may be an accident but two is a conspiracy). I have no idea about his bum wings though.

Snivy, Servine, Serperior

snivyservineserperior

*slow clap*

well done localisation guys, well done. Serperior may be my favourite pun since Geodude.

You see a lot more variation in the grass type starters than the water and fires usually and Serperior and his brood is no exception. Taking the vine of ivy and turning it into a snake’s body with an ivy leaf on the tail is just inspired. It’s not just a great concept well executed either, there are tons of extra touches that turn this from a good design into a stellar one. I love Serperior’s expression, it looks so smug and haughty and with his name that does so much to convey personality. I love the high collar and how that also serves to make him look regal.I love how they turned the Ivy into fleur de lis. I love that we go from a snake with arms and legs to it losing its legs, possibly the only example in pokemon evolution of something that actually happened in real life evolution.* I love everything about this guy.

Mostly though i just love the fact that he’s pokemon David Bowie as the Goblin King.

david-bowie-goblin-king-labyrinth

*contrary to popular belief Serperior does still have hands, they are folded behind his back in an imperious pose.

Tepig, Pignite, Emboar

tepig pignite emboar

BEHOLD! The three best pun names the localisation team has EVER done.

Pignite guys, Pignite. Whomever dreamed that up deserves a raise.

The concept with these guys is hysterical. They’re pigs on fire. If you don’t get that it might help to know that I named my Emboar BBQ.

As if that wasn’t brilliant enough they also have a parallel gimmick of being different kinds of wrestlers. Tepig’s head colouring is meant to look like the caps Japanese boys wear at the school sports day for their various manly physical games like slapping each other and climbing poles.

Japan just doesn’t care about health and safety by the way guys, schools totally have a “let’s let the boys slap each other” event at sport’s day and nobody bats an eye lid. In the U.K. that would be a national scandal.

Pignite (love that name) is obviously meant to look like a pro wrestler or an olympic wrestler in the American style. In fact he looks a lot like Andre the Giant to my mind.

andre-the-giant1_display_image

Emboar obviously is a sumo wrestler and pig sumo wrestler is such an obvious and brilliant idea I’m amazed it took us this long to get some version of it. It certainly has more character than the boring anthro monster Makuhita.

Of the three I find Pignite to be the best, mostly because of Emboar’s fires. I can’t tell what they’re meant to be, a beard maybe? I certainly can’t parse them as anything a Sumo wrestler wears. Everything on Pignite though either says pig or wrestler.

Oshawott, Dewott and Samurott

oshawottdewottsamurott

Of the three starters Oshawott definitely fairs the worst. Oshawott himself is pretty terrible, it’s an otter, but blue (btw Nintendo the water starter doesn’t have to be blue, we get that it’s water from the animal you choose usually) in a baby-grow for some reason. It’s not even cute, mostly because of the frowny face and dead, soulless eyes….

like a doll’s eyes..

never blinking…

knowing everything you did.

*ahem* anyway, Oshawott, not cute.

Dewott though is brilliant. He looks more like an otter for starters and his proportions and pose make him look like a martial artist. Well specifically he’s meant to be a samurai with the razor shells resembling the armour plates samurai have and his big whiskers looking like the fake intimidating moustache on a samurai helmet.  He looks badass, ready to throw some razor sharp clams and straight up cut a fool.

And then Samurott ruins everything.

Firstly it’s really weird that he goes from being bipedal to being quadrupedal. There’s nothing that prohibits that in actual evolution (although I don’t believe it has ever happened) but it seems counter-intuitive in pokemon evolution to go from being more human to more animalistic.

And whilst there is some samurai stuff kept the move to four legs just really cripples the samurai concept.  There’s also a ton of stuff that straight up doesn’t work, like the helmet. That doesn’t look like a samurai helmet. The guys called Samurott, just give him a samurai helmet and have him stand up and this would have worked much, much better.

Patrat and Watchdog

patratwatchog

Considering Watchdog is supposed to be a cross between a meerkat and a crossing guard (no really, check out what Japanese crossing guards wear below and look at Watchdog’s markings.) I find it amusing that Patrat looks stoned as hell. Again it’s all in the eyes, he is tweaking and is looking for munchies. I’d say he cleaned up his act but even in his narc uniform he still looks like he’s tripping balls. He must be a dirty cop.

bp37

Lillipup, Herdier and Stoutland

lillipupherdierstoutland

boring dog, boring dog THE MOST MAJESTIC MOUSTACHE I HAVE EVER BEHELD!

Gen 5 is resplendent with awesome moustaches actually but just look at that thing! It’s the length of his entire body! That is the platonic ideal of all facial hair. It is the single most manly thing I have yet seen and it isn’t even on a man.

Soutland most pull all the hot bitches* with that thing.

*not sexist, he’s a dog.

Purrloin and Liepard

purrloinliepard

I’m sorry localisation team but there is such a thing as trying too hard. It’s a decent punning effort but I’m afraid it doesn’t do it for me.

Don’t be sad though, you still came up with Pignite. All is forgiven in my eyes after that.

Pansage, Pansear and Panpour

with

Simisage, Simisear and Simipour

  pansagepansearpanpoursimisagesimisearsimipour

Generation 5 also has a lot more linked designs than previous games including these monkeys. It’s a very simple design but similar in concept to Eevee, take a basic body shape (in this case a monkey) and make amendments to it that fit the elemental theme. So the colour, tail shape and head shape change to match the element. Nicely done and nicely executed. Although I do query why Pansage has brocolli on his head and Pansear has a cartoon poop on his.

But for the evolutions we get the added conceptual twist of making them musicians. So Pansage evolves into a 1950’s greaser complete with faux leather jacket and massive quiff, Panpour turns into a 1960’s doo wop/girl group singer and Pansear turns into Liberace….but fat.

It would have been perfectly fine to just do more adult looking versions of panpour,sage and sear but adding the musician gimmick just makes them that bit more interesting. It’s little touches like that make me wonder why people call this generation unoriginal.

Munna and Musharna

munna musharna

There’s a lot of baggage to this design to unpack. Firstly Black and White introduced the dream world, an alternate dimension which can be made real using dream smoke harvested from Musharna. It’s just an online gaming feature basically but like any new thing they introduce they feel like they need a mascot Pokemon and Musharna is it.

They’re also both callbacks to earlier games. Waaaaay back in Red and Blue there is a comment from an NPC about wishing for a Pokemon with a floral print on it. And only fifteen years later they decided to follow up on that idea. Musharna is also a callback from an older game, Diamond and Pearl which mention a researcher looking into the prospect of a Pokemon that can link with dreams. This is all a bit fan service but it’s kind of mind blowing that Nintendo recognises it has a continuation of fans from fifteen years ago still playing who will enjoy these nods and winks.

Finally both designs are kind of a do-over of Hypno from the original games. Hypno was based on a Japanese myth about a monster that eats people’s dreams and the monster is usually depicted as a tapir like creature. Hypno though was not one of the more successful RGBY designs, being basically a tapir stood up. Munna and Musharna are much more distinctive creatures with more appealing designs even if they basically are still tapirs.

Pidove, Tranquill and Unfezant

pidovetranquillunfezant

Speaking of do-overs, apparently enough people thought that Pidgey from RGBY looked nothing like a pidgeon, missing the point that he was a wood pidgeon, that they decided to do another pidgeon. Although rather than evolving into a bigger pidgeon with a punk rock haircut he evolves into a pheasant with a masquerade mask. These three are fine, if a bit fussy. The localisation team are trying to force the puns too much again though.

Blitzle and Zebstrika

blitzlezebstrika

Zebra but with the white parts turned into lightning bolts is such a simple and inspired premise that I’m amazed it took until Gen 5 for it to happen. That said the execution is not perfect. I don’t like the shape of Zebstrika’s tail, just leaving it as a bolt would have been better than the spark ending. There’s also still a lot of curved white lines where I would have made them all straight with bolt shaped kinks. I also think Blitzle’s single mohawk-esque bolt is much better than Zebstrika’s two horn bolts.

Roggenrola, Boldore, Gigalith

roggenrolaboldoregigalith

The localisation team must have been absolutely gutted when presented with the design that became Roggenrolla. Having already used the pun in Geodude Japan goes ahead and gives them a walking geode. What the hell are they supposed to do with that?!

Like Pidove before it this trio is another do-over of an RGBY monster, namely Geodude, Graveller and Golem. It’s sufficiently different to work as it’s own monster though. I love the use of geode’s as eyes, I also like the gem spikes which are intimidating and dangerous looking. The only thing I don’t like is the weird spike on Roggenrolla’s head which make’s it look like the spike is his head and is just confusing.

Woobat and Swoobat

woobatswoobat

For years I though Woobat was an incredibly lazy design. Basically just a ball of fur with bat wings and inexplicable heart shaped nose. Then I saw these guys.

Honduran-white-bats

I’ll quote my long suffering girlfriend’s reaction when she saw that picture;

“OH MY GOD LOOK AT THEM! They look like mini pigs. Mini pigs with fur.” and then she just made some squeeing noises. It went  on for a while but she seemed happy enough.

If anything the Pokemon version is butcher and more macho than the real animal.

Swoobat though is a total mess. He’s supposed to be a foxbat, hence the head, but they’ve kept the heart nose which now looks out of proportion and doesn’t match the head shape. I don’t get the thinking at all behind the collar or the tail. They look like they’re going for cute but it’s just loads of random elements shoved together. It totally lacks cohesion.

Drilbur and Excadrill

drilburexcadrill

Do-over of Diglett but Drilbur actually looks like a mole. A mole with giant steel drill hands, again that is such a strong concept I’m amazed it wasn’t done earlier.

Excadrill  unfortunately, is not so assured. This is a shame because in game he is an absolute monster, easily one of the most powerful beasties in the game (in fact a lot of competitive websites ban his use entirely). The body is just a larger more dangerous looking version of Drilbur which is fine but what spoils is it is the weird second head. I know what they’re going for, the idea is the extra drill looks like a larger more dangerous head with the real head hidden underneath. But the sizes and positions mean it doesn’t quite work.

Audino

audino

This generation’s big pink big eared girly monster to go with Clefable, Blissey and Wigglytuff only with….long ears?  I did some reading and apparently the ears are supposed to resemble stethoscopes so this is another nurse themed monster. Again I’ll stick that one in the “this is probably someone’s fetish” pile with Chansey.

Timburr, Gurdurr, Conkeldurr

timburrgurdurrconkeldurr

Timburr has by far the best evolution gimmick I have ever seen. His 2 x 4 evolves with him into a girder and then concrete pillars. That makes,NO, SENSE, WHATSOEVER! I don’t know if I have to explain this guys but evolution doesn’t work that way. It makes perfect sense in the world of Pokemon evolution though and is so out there and crazy that I don’t know how you could not love it.

Unfortunately the monster holding the tool is not quite as inspired. Especially Gurdurr. Why is Gurdurr a clown? Because he is. He has a big red nose and curly hair. He might have disturbingly big and veiny arms but he is unmistakably a clown. A muscular clown wielding a steel girder….well it’s original at least.

Tympole, Palpitoad and Seismitoad

tympolepalpitoadseismitoad

OH MY GOD KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!!

tympole

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrgh

tympole

Good god that thing is hideous. I know it’s supposed to be headphones but the incredibly human face on the tadpole just freaks me out. That’s David Lynchian in it’s terror. Children should not be exposed to that. It looks like something anti-abortion protestors would have on a placard. Creepy.

And the other two evolutions look like frogs with huge cancerous growths.

Throh and Sawk

throhsawk

This right here, this is the very definition of lazy. These are the platonic ideal of boring anthro monsters. They’re wearing clothes for gods sake, wild animals should not be wearing judo gi. Where did they get them from anyway? Do they rob dojo’s? Are they born with them on? Do they mug martial artists? What does a naked Throh look like? Actually never mind, I don’t want to know that last one.

Sewaddle, Swadloon and Leavanny

sewaddleswadloonleavanny

Hey Throh and Sawk, here’s another wild animal wearing clothes. MADE FROM LEAVES. You see the difference, how one is plausible animal behaviour and one is drawing human’s and then messing up the face.

High concept aside these three aren’t great but I love Swadloon’s hilarious frowny face. For a bug all snuggled up in a rug he sure looks pissed off.

Venipede, Whirlipede and Scolipede

venipedewhirlipedescolipede

Don’t these all just look bored? I think it’s the heavy lidded eye. They look less like they’re interested in battle and more like they just want to get it other with so they can go back to watching TV. It’s fitting because these are boring designs. It’s also rare that I ask this but can we have more detail on Scolipede please. His front looks like some kind of layers error in photoshop where they copied over everything except his front carapace.

Cottonee and Whimsicott

cottoneewhimsicott

Whimscott is adorable. Look at that happy face, that little guy just wants cuddles. And you know they’d be brilliant cuddles because he’d be so fluffy!

These two are great example of how you do a plant Pokemon right, they took cotton plants and decided that they looked a bit like sheep and boom, Pokemon right there. Sheep but with cotton instead of wool.

Petilil and Lilligant

petilillilligant

And here’s how you do plant pokemon boringly, it’s a nondescript plant shape with a face. Dull.

Basculin

basculin

Second stab at a piranha does manage to look like a piranha, which is a plus, but like most fish pokemon is basically just a cartoony fish and so is dull.

Sandile, Krokorok and Krookodile

sandilekrokorokkrookodile

Not actually based on a crocodile, despite all its name being crocodile puns, but a caimen. (see below you can tell due to the distinctive nose)

Dwarf-caiman-in-water

These three are part of a baffling subset of Pokemon designs that take an animal that lives in the water but makes it a ground type…because….clever? I mean it’s an okay idea once but it seems to crop up repeatedly and it wasn’t exactly lighting the world on fire to start with.

Also Krookodile’s nose looks like a dick. There, I said it. Are you all happy now?

Darumaka and Darmanitan

darumakadarmanitan-standard

Yay an attempt to get all intellectual and show off my knowledge of Japanese culture.

I mentioned that in this generation we got a lot more Pokemon based on inanimate objects and Darumaka is one of the first examples of this. Although he and his evolution both look kind of like monkeys they are in fact based on this.

daruma-raj3tz

That’s a Daruma, a kind of Japanese doll based on a representation of the monk and Bodhisattva ( a Buddha who teaches rather than ascending) named Bodhidharma, credited with bringing the Japanese tradition of Zen Buddhism to China (obviously Buddhism originally came to Japan from India by way of China but Zen is a specific kind of Buddhism).

There are lots of legends regarding Bodhidharma  but the one pertinent to his doll is the following, from wikipedia;

Failing to make a favorable impression in Southern China, Bodhidharma is said to have travelled to the northern Chinese kingdom of Wei to the Shaolin Monastery. After either being refused entry to the shaolin temple or being ejected after a short time, he lived in a nearby cave, where he “faced a wall for nine years, not speaking for the entire time”.

The biographical tradition is littered with apocryphal tales about Bodhidharma’s life and circumstances. In one version of the story, he is said to have fallen asleep seven years into his nine years of wall-gazing. Becoming angry with himself, he cut off his eyelids to prevent it from happening again.[25] According to the legend, as his eyelids hit the floor the first tea plants sprang up; and thereafter tea would provide a stimulant to help keep students of Chán awake during meditation.[26]

The most popular account relates that Bodhidharma was admitted into the Shaolin temple after nine years in the cave and taught there for some time. However, other versions report that he “passed away, seated upright”;[21] or that he disappeared, leaving behind the Yi Jin Jing;[27] or that his legs atrophied after nine years of sitting,[28] which is why Japanese Bodhidharma dolls have no legs.

You’ll notice from my picture that the doll only has one eye. This is a Japanese tradition, the dolls come with both eyes blank, one is supposed to paint one pupil whilst making a wish and then the other once the wish comes true. These wishes are more in the style of New Year’s resolutions than desires so you might for instance wish to lose weight and then the blank eye stares at you accusingly until you do.

250px-BodhidharmaYoshitoshi1887

Darumaka and Darmanitan are based on the doll (which has a very consistent stylised form) than the man himself. Darumaka is basically a Daruma doll with arms and legs but it’s such an unusual design for a doll that I really don’t mind that at all, I think Darumaka looks great.

Darmanitan is even better though taking the basic shape and re-interpreting it as a rounded ape like monster. It keeps all the cool unique design aspects of a Daruma but makes it look more like a viable animal.

darmanitan-zen

Darmanitan also has an alternate form called Zen Mode which is basically just a Daruma doll but blue, and considering you can get blue Darumas that is a touch on the lazy side.

Maractus

maractus

It’s a cactus with a face, and we already have two of those. Did we need this?

Dwebble and Crustle

dwebblecrustle

Kind of this generation’s Paras being an insect with a big thing on its back but with a more thought out concept here that I’m amazed hasn’t been used before. It’s a hermit crab which instead of stealing a shell has stolen a rock. Simple idea, well executed. The evolution though is inspired as the rock turns into a massive slice of earth complete with geological layers. I feel like the logical leaps in evolutions in this generation have been more thought through and rather than just making a bigger uglier version of the prevolution there’s almost a kind of a joke to many of the changes.

Scraggy and Scrafty

scraggyscrafty

Scraggy and Scrafty are kind of a cute idea and an example of how stuff like Throh and Sawk could be handled better. What they’ve done is taken a human behaviour (hooligans that wear their pants really low) and looked around for an animal behaviour they can graft that onto (lizards shedding their skin). That’s neat, and it’s exactly how they should approach fighting types.

Alas that’s all the praise I have for these two, especially Scraggy whose face looks like a complete afterthought. Sugimori-san can draw lizards so why has he given us the emoticon for derp?

Sigilyph

sigilyph

Sigilyph is a dream catcher turned into a Pokemon. It’s also an incoherent visual monstrosity that hurts to look at, but so are dream catchers.

Yamask and Cofragrigus

yamask cofagrigus

Pokemon has occasionally dabbled in some dark themes. In previous generations we’ve had child stealing balloons, the animated dead husk of an insect’s shed skin that seeks to capture souls, the lord of nightmares, the god of the land of ghosts and whatever the hell is up with Lopunny. Ghost types in particular have always posed a tricky question, what exactly is a ghost type? Are they the ghosts of pokemon? Are they normal animals displaying behaviours we might associate with ghosts? Most of them appear to be haunting some kind of object so the shape and nature of the object distracts somewhat from this question.

Yamask, however, approaches the issue dead on. Yamask is unequivocally the soul of a dead human transformed into spectral form.

Observe the pokedex entry;

“Each of them carries a mask that used to be its face when it was human. Sometimes they look at it and cry. These Pokémon arose from the spirits of people interred in graves. Each retains memories of its former life.”

The implications of that are horrifying. These things used to be humans, people with hopes and dreams and other people who loved them. They’re now reduced to floating spectres that are captured and forced to do battle for the amusement of 10 year olds. They are enslaved by other people. Infinitely, because being ghosts already they will never die and know freedom. AND THEY REMEMBER BEING HUMAN! No wonder they cry. If they could talk they presumably would articulate the longing and pain they have, how they yearn to be free of their torment, but no, all they can say is their own name. Not even their human name but the name of the monster they have become, their slave name.

But you know what’s worse? All of those facts are known. They were worked out by researchers who put it in the Pokedex. That means that humans in the world of Pokemon are aware that when they die they can turn into a monster and aware that those monsters retain human feelings and yet go ahead and enslave them anyway.

Pokemon is pretty fucked up you guys.

Tirtuoga and Carracosta

tirtougacarracosta

Carracosta’s mask makes me think he looks a little bit like a blue ninja turtle. Interesting fact, the ninja turtles wren’t turtles. As a rule of thumb turtles have flippers, tortoises have a foot and terrapins are semi-aquatic and have a kind of webbed clawed flipper. When you see them before they mutate the TMNT are actually terrapins.

All of which is a long way of saying I don’t have much to say about Tirtuoga and Carracosta.

Archen and Archeops

archenarcheops

Like Cranidos before them Archen and Archeops get points just for being based on one of my favourite dinosaurs, Archeopteryx.

Archaeopteryx_NT

You might be looking at that artist’s impression and saying, “Adam, that’s a bird,” but that would be exactly why it is awesome. Archeopteryx is one of the earliest birds and one of the last dinosaurs and the strongest fossil evidence that dinosaurs did indeed evolve into birds.

Trubbish and Garbodor

trubbishgarbodor

Of all the inanimate objects given a face in this generation my favourite is far and away Trubbish. That little guy just looks so cute. His eyes gazing up at you seems to imploringly ask, “why, why does everyone hate me? I only want love.” Awww Trubbish, it’s because you smell of garbage little dude. Don’t worry though, I love ya.

Zorua and Zoroark

zorua zoroark

Zorua has one of the coolest in game abilities as at the beginning of fights it doesn’t look like itself but the last Pokemon on your team. It’s an illusion Pokemon casting spells to appear like something else.

There’s not much in the design to suggest that though, except really subtly. Zorua and Zoroark are based on foxes, known for being cunning and the expression on their faces really suggests an intelligence and sly quality. Beyond that though these are sleek, dangerous looking designs but they’re basically just cartoony foxes, one of which is stood up.

Minccino and Cinccino

minccinocinccino

A chinchilla with a fashionable goatee and a chinchilla dressed up like a 1950’s hollywood starlet in elaborate furs. I find the idea of a furred animal wearing furs to be…conceptually troubling at best. This is one for the girls that like to squee at cute things with very little thought put into it.

Gothita, Gothorita and Gothitelle

gothitagothorita gothitelle

Now this, this is brilliant. Gohita and it’s evolutions are basically a boring anthro monster. But they’re a boring anthro monster based on something so bizarre that I can’t help but love it.  They’re based upon Gothic Lolita fashions. You might have read the word Gothic there and started picturing pale, thin boys in black jeans and cure t-shirts wearing eye liner and obsessing over death but that’s not really it at all. Gothic Lolita is a Japanese subb-culture and it’s less morbid and more about a fetishised version of Victorian fashion, taking the visual signifiers of that time period, lace, bows, petticoats and exaggerating them until you get something like, well, these;

images

images (1)

Black_White_Cotton_Long_Sleeves_Ruffled_Gothic

as you can see, we’re dealing with Tim Burton’s perfect women.

Gothita is not a great version of a Gothic Lolita Pokemon but that they tried at all is just magnificent.

Solosis, Duosion and Reuniclus

solosisduosionreuniclus

This is a cell, undergoing mitosis.

Again, the concept here is so brilliant that the design doesn’t really matter to me but the design is spot on too. Simple and iconic and selling the high concept beautifully.

But this seems to be a design a lot of people hate, they don’t get why there is a gooey baby rabbit and have missed the point entirely. So let me explain, the green ball is the cell, the light green thing inside it is the nucelus, the “brain” of the cell as it were, those eyes, cytoplasm, that squiggly thing, the name escapes but that’s a cell component too.

And then the cell splits becoming two, starting with the nucleus splitting. Only in this case it doesn’t finish splitting so it now has two brains, hence greater psychic powers, and eventually it has three brains, not rabbit ears. And it looks like a baby because cells split during the development of embryos. Everything here has a purpose in serving the high concept and the high concept, abortion monster, is so fantastic that the design just flat out works. The only people who hate this monster are those that do not get the concept.

Ducklett and Swanna

ducklett swanna

What I like with Swanna is that it’s dressed up in a swan lake ballet costume. So it’s a swan dressed as a swan. deep.

What i do not like about swanna is the feather bra, please stop suggesting Pokemon have breasts Nintendo it’s starting to get creepy.

Vanilite, Vanillish and Vanilluxe

vanillite vanillish vanilluxe

God dammit I just told you to stop putting bras on Pokemon!

If you don’t like 5th Gen Vanilluxe seems to be the prime example people use. And it is pretty indefensible, I’ve moaned before about designs that I didn’t think worked as real animals and you can’t make any sensible argument for the floating ice-cream cone.

But.

In a generation with a Gothic Lolita monster, an abortion monster, a walking candle and gears with faces ice cream cone with a face doesn’t really stand out. And they’re rapidly running out of ideas for ice types, beyond just taking an existing animal and making it white with some ice bits. It’s stupid, yes, but so adorably stupid that I can’t help but love it.

Deerling and Sawsbuck

deerling sawsbuck

As ever with a new feature comes a mascot Pokemon for it and this game introduces a season cycle. The idea being that with every change in season Deerling and Sawsbuck change to match it.

This is a great idea and whilst the execution on Deerling is meh the execution on Sawsbuck is fantastic. Turning his antlers into tree branches is a solid idea for  a plant type to start with and having those branches change like a tree changes in each season is just inspired. The actual animal underneath those branches is simple and uncluttered (so your eye is really drawn to the selling point, the antlers) but does subtly change season by season too. Sawsbuck is a terrific Pokemon, a real stand out of the generation.

Emolga

emolga

Why is this not an evolution for Pachirisu? It looks just like it except it flies. Dull.

Karrablast and Escavalier

karrablast escavalier

also

Shelmet and Accelgor

shelmetaccelgor

Although not next to each other in the Pokedex I’m dealing with these four together because of their relationship with one another. You see Shelmet and Karrablast only evolve when traded with each other. Shelmet busts out of its shell and turns into Accelgor whilst Karrablast starts wearing the shell to become Escavalier. That’s a kind of clever idea but these designs aren’t great.

Shelmet just looks stupid, entirely because of the lips. Those lips are dumb and I don’t think I need to explain why. And I have no idea what Karrablast even is. Some googling suggests it’s supposed to be a carabid beetle, which it in no way resembles.

Escavalier is okay, I like his lance arms but that’s it.

images (2)

Accelgor however I do like since it is a homage to masked rider and as previously mentioned i am all for Pokemon based on elements of Japanese culture.

Foongus and Amoongus

foongusamoonguss

This generation’s do-over of Voltorb whose gimmick was that he looked like a Pokeball. Remember kids, if anyone accuses Gen 5 of being unoriginal you point out that Gen 1 contained a ball with a face and his evolution, a bigger ball with a face.

Foongus is not as good as Voltorb though since he only looks a Pokeball from above.

Fillish and Jellicent

frillishjellicent

The concept of these two is spooky as hell. They rule an underwater castle, made of the ruins of sunken ships, together as king and queen and surrounded by courtiers. That is brilliantly creepy  without straying into the horror of child abduction or infinite slavery.

I don’t have much to say about female Jellicent because i’m too in awe of male Jellicent;s tremendous facial hair. He rivals Stoutland for most magnificent Pokemon moustache.

Alomomola

alomomola

Sunfish are such odd looking creatures that they make perfect Pokemon without really needing many changes but Nintendo decided to make this a more conceptually complicated creature by turning its fins into hands.

They do this a lot actually, Lugia, Kyogre, they’re quite big on turning things that aren’t hands into them. And then you get guys like Wobuffet staring at his useless stumps and praying for digits. It’s like Arceus only had  a limited number of hands and it was first come first serve.

Oh and the name is pallindromic (reads the same forwards as backwards) for an animal with greater than regular symmetry, I’d be more impressed if the name meant anything.

Joltik and Galvantula

joltikgalvantula

How cute is Joltik? The answer is all the cute, he is all the cute there ever was. The smallest Pokemon ever is logically based on a tick. I would have found it impressive that they made a tick cute but to make a tick look that cute is some kind of miracle.

And then it turns into out and out nightmare fuel. That’s cruel Nintendo. Funny though.

Ferroseed and Ferrothorn

ferroseedferrothorn

Boy there sure are a lot of inanimate objects with faces in this generation.

Klink, Klang and Klinklang

klink klangklinklang

Yep, lot’s of inanimate objects with faces.

At least they didn’t feel the need to stick a horn on them.

Tynamo, Elektrik and Elektross

tynamo eelektrikeelektross

Elektrik is based on a lamprey and since I am a cruel and sadistic man who enjoys tormenting others here is a photo of a lamprey’s face.

Boca_de_lamprea.1_-_Aquarium_Finisterrae

Oh you’ve seen it now, and you can never unsee it. Good luck sleeping tonight.

Elektross is based on a lamprey, but with arms, ARMS THAT ARE ALSO MOUTHS! That’s Lovecraftian in its horror.

Elgyem and Beheeyem

elgyembeheeyem

Little Green Man (LGM) and Bug Eyed Monster (BEM) here are boring anthro monsters with frankly bizarre heads. I get that Elgeeyem is supposed to look like a stylised “grey” alien but I don’t get the thinking behind Beheeyem at all.

Litwick, Lampent, Chandelure

litwicklampentchandelure

There are lots of ghost Pokemon that resemble objects and plenty of Pokemon this time around that are just inanimate objects with a face but what I appreciate about these three are the touches that elevate it above that concept. Like the pattern on Chandelur’s face that resembles a stitched mouth or the shape of Litwick’s wax resembling famous Japanese horror character Kitaro.

kitaro manga

Plus I just find candles to be quite spooky and ghostly things.

Axew, Fraxure and Haxorus

axewfraxurehaxorus

Axew and Fraxure look stupid, mostly because they’re generic dinosaurs whose defining feature, the blades, just look tacked on rather than integrated.

The axe is much more integrated on Haxorus and giant dinosaur with an axe for a face is the kind of ten year old fantasy Pokemon should be indulging more often.

I have to question the colouring choice of making the axe red though. That makes it look like it’s slathered in the blood of Haxorus’s enemies. These are kid’s games right?

Cubchoo and Beartic

cubchoobeartic

When I first saw Ursaring way back in Gen 2 my initial reaction was that they’d missed a trick by not making the bear an ice type, since there are so few ice animals and polar bears are one of the more prominent examples. Well evidently they thought the same as years later we finally get our polar bear. But rather than being just a white bear they have to give it some extra gimmick so now we have a snotty bear cub whose snot freezes into icicles. Eh, it’s okay. I feel they’ve missed a trick with Beartic since his proportions look odd. His head and shoulders are really small and his legs and lower body really big. It’s the wrong way round really, if they want to sell big, powerful bear monster it really needs big wide shoulders, as it is it looks really gangly.

Cryogonal

cryogonal

Cryogonal is why I don’t get all the hate for Vanillite because he has all the same problems but is infinitely more boring. It’s an inanimate object that cannot possibly move, breed, eat or be anything approaching a real animal, with a face. But, whereas Vanillite had stacks of persoanlity Cryogonal has barely any, you can barely tell a face is there. And it is simply covered in distracting and busy lines. It’s not even a good drawing of a snowflake since it lacks fractal details and is pretty blocky really. I hate everything about this Pokemon.

Stunfisk

stunfisk

This generation’s Slowpoke aka the dumb looking guy. He does look dumb, but that’s on purpose so you can’t criticise it. What I can criticise is the upside down exclamation mark on his back. What’s that all about, is he Spanish?

Mienfoo and Mienshao

mienfoomienshao

THIS IS HOW YOU SHOULD DO FIGHTING TYPES NINTENDO.

Here’s the high concept here, Chinese martial artist, so they have the long baggy sleeves associated with traditional Chinese dress and Mienshao has the long moustache associated with Chinese folk characters like Pei Mei (who you may remember from Kill Bill part 2) but rather than sticking it on a boring anthro monster they stuck it on a weasel and it suddenly works, so, much, better! Being based on a real animal just gives it so much more of a coherent visual identity and for my money makes the non animal aspects (sleeves and moustaches, and that’s number three in the awesome moustache team by the way) pop out more.

These are great designs, especially Mienshao who looks sleek and deadly and fast, has stacks of personality in his expression and has a beautifully and subtly suggested high concept.

And also a great moustache.

Druddigon

druddigon

So, that’s where all the horns and spikes they usually stick on animals went in this generation then? All on poor Druddigon.

Poor guy, he looks like a 90’s comic character, give him some skulls and and some pouches and he’d be right at home in Bloodstrike.

Golett and Golurk

golettgolurk

Yeah, you guys already used the name “Golem” on a creature that wasn’t a golem and have used the golem concept before but with more a creation myth thing going on, now you’re just doing a straight up golem. That’s a touch lazy guys.

Actually, to be fair the concept here still isn’t a straight up golem so much as an ancient robot. And whilst a golem was an ancient robot this is much more robotic, having gears and command symbols and glowing with energy. Ancient civilisations creating a robot is neat idea but its not very pokemon-esque at all. In fact there are a lot of things here that you don’t see very often in pokemon, like the patterns on the shoulder pads and fists, and the eyes which have kind of an Incan thing going on with them. But then the shape and the skirt is more Greek. They certainly do a good job of invoking ancient civilisations but I think the high concept might be too far out there for Pokemon. What about this is an animal?

Pawniard and Bisharp

pawniardbisharp

Of all the things I thought they’d make Pokemon out of, a pawn and a bishop from chess would have ranked really low down on my guesses.

These two are out and out messes. Pawniard is shaped basically like a pawn but seems to have been inflicted with a variant of 90’s “spikes everywhere” disease known as “blades everywhere.”

I mean the head one is okay, the hand ones are fine, but the chest ones? They look dumb and add nothing.

Bisharp is even worse, he looks nothing like a a bishop, has even more extraneous blades and also has a fourth colour added which just makes it even more busy.

Bouffalant

bouffalant

This is a buffalo with an afro, a buffalafro if you will. There is nothing about that, that isn’t amazing.

Rufflet and Braviary

ruffletbraviary

Native Americans have feathers in their headdresses, let’s do a bird that looks like a  Native American brave. That’s a fine concept  okay execution except, again, Braviary has weird proportions. His neck is too long and his legs too long to be a convincing eagle, he looks more like a stork/eagle hybrid and I have no idea why.

Vullaby and Mandibuzz

vullabymandibuzz

That baby is wearing a human skull as a diaper.

Soooo how does that work then? Because when you hatch a Vullaby it already has the skull. Is it like a death’s head moth thing and it only looks like a skull but is just part of Vullaby? Or is the first thing a Vullaby does in this life dismember a human to hide its shame?

Either way it seems very cute for something wearing! a! fucking! skull!

Mandibuzz has a btucher’s apron and a bone thorugh its top knot which I’d say would be racist, but its a vulture, not a person. So I guess it gets away with it.

Heatmor and Durant

heatmordurant

I’m less surprised that t took us 5 generations to do an ant than some of the other animals that took this long (seriously still no tiger, cheetah, panda or gorilla still) because, well, ants are tiny and kind of hard to make monsters from. The solution they came up with was not that inspired, just make a regular ant bigger and colour it so it looks like steel.

Heatmor fares a bit better since steel ant implies a difficult challenge for an anteater and making his tongue flame was an elegant solution. The rest of his design is a mish-mash of pointless elements though, what’s up with his wrist bands? And I don’t even want to know what’s going with his crotch.

Deino, Zweilous and Hydreigon

deinozweiloushydreigon

Two words, bad and ass.

Let’s get the dull stuff out of the way first, we have a monster who goes from one head, to two, to three and the name is a riff on the german counting system, ein, zwei, drei. That in itself is awesome. The monster that concept was attached to is a generic dragon but that’s fine since the aim is to focus on the heads. The execution of the heads is great, especially as the closed pattern opens up like bus on a flower coming into bloom. I also like how much Deino looks like a Beatle.

Really though this trio is all about Zweilous, a three headed dragon with scary torn wings and terrifying eyes swooping down from the sky to rain destruction upon you. He’s even a rare example of something with what seems to be an extraneous line but that I can point to and explain, the purple liens break up what would otherwise be a boring expanse of blue.

Okay, he’s a shameless rip off of King Ghidora.

king-ghidorah

But you know what, King Ghidora is my favourite Kaiju. So if you’re going to rip something off, rip off the best.

Larvesta and Volcarona

larvestavolcarona

It’s a caterpillar and a moth done in a cartoony style. What is there to say. My only comment is I like that the fire typing is subtly incorporated in the sun pattern on the wings and….head spike, things rather than just making it bright red. Volcarona is a fantastic Pokemon in game but a lackluster design.

Cobalion, Terrakion and Virizion

cobalionterrakionvirizion

The next (after Victini) of a whopping 13 different legendaries introduced in this generation (still less than Diamond, Pearl and Platinum at 14 though) featuring two completely separate trinities of characters what we have here is the three musketeers re-imagined as deer/antelopes. The three muske-deers if you will. That’s a neat idea, the three musketeers are a classic trio of characters with distinct personalities, the fat boozer, the classy womanizer and the more serious and heroic one reflected respectively in Terrakion, Virizion and Cobalion. I also like the idea of linking the sword fighting the musketeers were famous for with the horns of a deer/antelope.

What I like the most about this trinity though is that these look like three different animals but they also look like a trinity with enough shared elements to link them together. Pokemon has done this before of course, the legendary birds and legendary dogs were examples of this but they’ve also messed it up before (Uxie, Mesprit and Azelf). Even the shared elements though suggest personality rather than being copied across. All three have a shoe design but Cobalion has spats, reflecting his classy nature, Terrakion has sandals suggesting Japanese martial artists and Virizion has feminine boots. Similarly all three have horns, but Cobalion’s are high and proud, Terakions massive and curved forward and bulky and Virizion’s curved and feminine.

These are strong individual designs but really shine as a trio.

Keldeo

keldeo-resolute keldeo-ordinary

And to go with the three musketeers we have Dartagnian, the younger more impetuous wannabe member.

On its own this is not a terribly brilliant design. We have a unicorn with the tail replaced with a wave design, something similar to Rapidash but much less well executed, particularly because of the bright red mane which detracts from the water theme.

But teamed with the three muskedeers the design sings a lot more, how do you do a younger, weaker version of the muskedeers? You give it only one horn. boom, instant symbolism, the rest of the design really takes care of itself after that.

For some reason we get two versions of Keldeo, a normal form on the right and a Resolute form on the left. I vastly prefer the resolute form .For starters the horn is much clearer and more prominent and as that is the main symbolic element it really should be. On the normal form the weird blue bits don’t really look like anything, they just detract from the middle horn and make it look like Keldeo has some kind of armoured forehead. Also the pose and facial expression on the resolute form just says Dartagnian to me more.

Tornadus, Thundrus and Landorus

tornadus-incarnate   landorus-incarnatethundurus-incarnate

And here we get our next trio, and one of the laziest things Pokemon has ever done. This is exactly the opposite way to do a trio and the far worst one. The three muskedeers were three different animals with shared design elements. This is the same monster with a pallette swap and some design elements shifted. It looks like a copy-paste and it is terrible.

I’m not a huge fan of the monster design once to be honest, let alone three times. It’s a riff on Fujin and Raijin the Japanese gods of wind and thunder who are usually represented thus.

fujin_raijin1

As you can see they’ve taken that basic design and shifted some elements around. Rather than standing on the cloud the cloud becomes a bottom half and the row of drums or bag of wind turns into a kind of tail/tentacle feature. It’s not bad in concept but in execution it has a serious problem. It just looks too much like a guy. I think this might be what I dislike about Anthro monsters. You capture these guys and put them in a ball. I find it much easier to do that to a cat or dog based monster than something that looks like a guy, complete with arms folded and another fantastic moustache. That feels too close to slavery.

Fortunately Nintendo solved that problem by revealing these are illusionary forms of these monsters and actually they really look like this.

tornadus-therianlandorus-therianthundurus-therian

So this is much better. For starters they look like animals and like the Muskedeers they look like different animals with shared design elements. It’s just now the design elements are problematic. The shared design elements seem to be clouds, those tail/tentacles and bitching moustaches. But now it’s not clear that they’re supposed to refer to Fujin and Raijin. If you looked at Tornadus you would see bird, you would see cloud but you would never think Japanese wind god. It’s as if the uninspired designs had to exist for these better ones to make sense, and if that’s the case you just need to start over again as clearly this is an ill conceived concept Nintendo.

They have other problems too, most notably Thundurus’s bra, belly button piercing and low hipped pants. He’s dressed like a stripper, and it’s bad enough that they’re doing sexy Pokemon again but he still has the moustache! That, that’s just confusing.

Reshiram and Zekrom

reshiramzekrom

It really says a lot that about how the quality of the colouring has improved that we can have a monster that’s only white coloured and another that’s only black coloured and yet they still make sense, can have highlights and levels of shading on them. And I suppose with the game being called “Black and White” they have to at least try and do a mono-colour design, kudos for pulling it off.

Beyond that I don’t have much complimentary to say here. These are two fairly generic video game dragons. They don’t look like Pokemon, they have too many extraneous lines and no obvious high concept hook to be a Pokemon, they look more like a Digimon or hell a Yu-Gi-Oh design. The one distinctive feature of them, the generator/jet engine tail is poorly conceived and poorly integrated. You have a sleek silhouette on Zekrom that looks like some sort of dangerous super fast dragon and than give him a massive fat arse, it spoils it.

Of the two I prefer Zekrom though since I like his wings better  I prefer his reptilian face to Reshiram’s fox face and he lacks Reshiram’s disturbing feather cock.

Kyurem

   

kyurem-normal

Well this is an absolute mess.

I honestly don’t know where to start with how bad this is. He has all the same problems as Zekrom and Reshiram, (fat arse, cluttered lines) without the saving grace of being monocolour and with a few new problems to boot. Like his gimpy arms. Or how the pose makes it look like his right wing is smaller. I didn’t think perspective mistakes would be a thing I’d criticise a professional artist for but, just look at it. It’s even worse in game I assure you. And what on earth are the weird glass tips on the end of his wings meant to be?

You know what’s even worse, Kyurem is meant to reference 9/11. Yes, the terror attacks on New York, that 9/11. You see this generation is based on New York and Kyurem is said to have fallen from the sky. He lives in a scarred and destroyed area of Unova destroyed by his impact, that’s supposed to be ground zero and he’s supposed to look like a plane. I can kind of see the plane design, especially if you focus on the lighter grey elements, but just, Jesus. Way to keep it classy Japan. 9/11 is really something I want to think about in my children’s video game.

Ah ha, but, like Torandus, Thundurus and Landorus Kyurem got a second set of forms in Black and White 2.  So maybe like that trio he has a terrible design here as part of some link to a better design coming.

Let’s see.

kyurem-blackkyurem-white

Sigh.

So the idea here is that Kyurem, Reshiram and Zekrom used to be the same monster. Years ago the three split with Zekrom and Reshiram becoming two halves of the same coin and Kyurem a kind of withered husk they left behind. But in the second game an item called the DNA splicer is found allowing Zekrom or Reshiram to recombine with Kyurem.

I think the nicest thing I can say is that they should do look like a fused together monster. There are better ways to do that involving visual cohesion and thought but, sure, you could just slap different bits of each monster together and call it a day, that works too.

Meloetta

meloetta-pirouettemeloetta-aria

Oh thank god a good one.

Meloetta is a boring anthro monster (trademarked) but one with a gimmick and clever integration of the gimmick is really all an anthro design needs to elevate it to decent. In Meloetta’s case she’s music based and much of her design is based around musical notation, especially her arms and her hair (which is simply sheet music coloured in). The two separate forms sell two different ways of enjoying music, aria is a singer complete with dramatic gestures and a radio mike and pirouette form is a ballet dancer complete with tutu skirt. Everything else is pretty much a straight line suggesting legs and a head. It’s not the best design but it’s absolutely fine.

Genesect

genesect

This is a Kabutops.

And above is what happens when a team of criminals turns one into a cybernetic uber-predator.

Genesect is one of only two Pokemon designs that just straight up have a gun strapped to them, the other being Blastoise. And while Blastoise having cannons makes little sense in Gensect’s case it is because bad guys strapped a cannon on it. This raises the question of if you’re allowed to strap guns to Pokemon in organised Pokemon leagues. I’d assume not or you’d see a lot of suicide bombing Rattata, unless nobody thought to do it before now.

This is a gimmick Pokemon, the gimmick being, it has a gun on its back and really the design all works to sell that, the hunched pose, the minimal details on the legs and arms. The only other element we really need to care about is the face which looks dangerous and evil, especially with the double pupils in the eyes. This is not the best design but it achieves out what it wants to do comfortably.

Oh and it can turn into a spaceship too.

m02

I want my transforming Genesect toy and I want it now, so I imagine that’s mission accomplished for the design team on that one.

Overall Gen 5 is easily my favourite generation. Although people moan about the ice cream monster and the garbage monster really there’s worse or similarly bad designs in other generations. Most of the bad Pokemon here are either copies of each other (the Tornadus trio) or stuck with unnecessary details (Pawniard) not rip offs of older designs. Most of the variations on older designs, (Munna, Pidove, Drillbur) are vast improvements on the originals or at least distinct enough to be their own monster not just a rip off. Then we get original ideas that are fantastic, like fiery wrestling pigs, evil chandeliers, the three muskedeers and Dartagnian. It’s  a great balance between originality and classic ideas and I love this generation.

With Generation 2 building on the surprise smash success of the first Generation of Pokemon the franchise was secure in its position. Pokemon was a monster hit and they had been able to keep the magic going. The Anime was still on air, they had been able to release a few more films, many theatrically, even in overseas territories and Gold and Silver had improved on the original games and were widely hailed as some of the best RPG’s available. They had even been able to get character designs like Lugia and Togepi to make an impact in public consciousness almost as big as the original 151.

Gen 3 then didn’t have the pressure the designers were under for Gen 2 and you can see this in the designs. There is a lot more experimentation going on, a shift away from copying what was successful before and instead trying to come up with new ideas, animals that hadn’t been adapted before, and even looking to adapting metaphysical concepts instead of just animals and physical objects.

One thing you’ll notice straight away is that the art style is dramatically different. The original 151 are very flat cartoony designs. They have a simplicity to them that makes it easy for a kid to draw them and works well on the limited graphic capabilities of the Gameboy and Gameboy Color. Starting in Generation 3 we get much more sophisticated artwork, there are more textures, more realistically proportioned monster designs and more detail. There’s also a lot more depth to the colours, instead of being flat colours the designs incorporate more shading and shadow effects, highlights and the like. It s a quantum leap in terms of art and shows real improvement from Ken Sugimori as an artist. However, from a design perspective its probably a step back. Adding complexity detracts from the simple and iconic power of the original 151 designs.

Treecko, Groyvyle and Sceptile

Fittingly these three designs point out a lot of the strengths and weaknesses of Generation 3 straight away.

In the strengths department the first thing to note is the originality. Bulbasaur and Chikorita are very similar designs, a smallish reptilian monster with a bulb on its back or leaf on its head. Treecko obviously follows some of this but the leaf is incorporated more subtly, it replaces a body part (the tail) rather than just being slapped on. It’s also a bipedal monster whereas Bulbasaur and Chikorita are both four legged. Finally rather than being some kind of generic reptile this is specifically a gecko, an animal the series has not adapted before.

The new art style is also in clear evidence, just look at Treeko. There is shading under his mouth and on his limbs and highlights at his stomach, eye tips and on his tail. This is much more of a drawing and less of a video game sprite. The new art style especially works well on Groyvyle. That thing looks badass, a velociraptor leaping out of the trees with clawed feet and hands. The leaf blades add a real sense of movement and help sell the idea of leaping death. This is that rarest of things, a bad ass pokemon design, not cute, not goofy, not ugly but sleek and deadly and dangerous.

On the bad side though we have unnecessary clutter and complications. Why does Sceptile have that little line and downward pointing arrow on his chest? What does it add? It doesn’t suggest movement, it doesn’t define shape, its not symbolic of anything its just unnecessary clutter. Also what are those little balls on Sceptile’s back? I never worked that out. Are they fruit? Seeds? Pollen?

Torchic, Combusken and Blaziken

Again some points for originality here. Unlike the previous two fire types this monster is not actually on fire instead the fire is subtly suggested in the flame designs on the feathers and the colouring. Its very distinct from the last two fire starters and that’s a good thing.

In fact both Combusken and Blaziken look much more like fighting types with their dramatic action poses, sharp claws and kicking legs.

I also love it when animals that you’d normally barbeque gain fire powers. The delicious irony. Delicious, like barbecued chicken.

Hmmmmmm, chicken.

Torchic I like, its simple and cute and Combusken is about as good an exeuction of kung-fu-fire-chicken as you could ask for. Blaziken though; well for starters it looks nothing at all like a chicken, it just looks like a feathery anthro monster. It also has tons of weird bizarre feature, like its flares, its feather waist coat and the frankly unsettling feathering round its groinal regions,

Mudkip, Marshtomp and Swampert

For reasons that aren’t entirely clear to me the internet loves Mudkip. Images of Mudkip saying “moar” have attained almost lolcat levels of meme penetration and I have absolutely no idea why.

I kind of love these three. First of all I love the fact that they decided to make a monster out of a mudskipper in the first place. Mudskippers are awesome of course, they’re fish that can live outside of water for short periods and even climb trees. That’s such a mind boggling concept that of course somebody should make a pokemon out of it eventually. Its just, well, look at a mudskipper.

That guy is many things but cute is not one of them. The effort needed to take that, turn it into something as cute as Mudkip ad yet still keep them as recognizably the same animal is to be applauded.

I don’t really have much to say about Swampert and Marshtomp except that Swampert  looks unbelievably goofy. There’s something about his vacant eyes and open mouth that just says “duuuuuuh.”

Poochyena and Mightyena

These designs are so dull I almost forgot to write something about them.

Did you know female Hyena have a clitoris larger than the Males’ penis and that it can actually become erect?

That was an interesting fact. These two are not interesting Pokemon.

Zizgzagzoon and Linoone

This generations Rattata and Ratticate and once again a massive improvement. For starters neither animal is unaccountably purple and that is always a good thing. Secondly Zigzagzoon is kind of visibly interesting with the nice zig zagged stripe pattern. They’re squarely in the dull but complicated bracket though, a massive step down from Sentret in the last generation.

Wurmple, Silccon, Cascoon, Beautifly and Dustox

Wurmple is the first example this generation of the “stick a horn on it” crew. Representing for lazy design. Word brother. But if you think that’s lazy wait until you get a look at…

Silcoon and Cascoon

Mirror flipped designs of a ball with spikes. And an eye. Silcoon is a terrible and boring design anyway. Pokemon has done cocoons before with Metapod and Kakuna but they had faces and expressions. These are, literally, spiky balls. And the sheer massive balls it takes to submit what is effectively the same design twice is just mind blowing. The “I do not give a fuckery” on display here is nigh on cosmic.

Hey Beautifly, Butterfree called and he wants his shtick back.

You might think I’d be similarly harsh on Dustox but that guy at least has the decency not to look exactly like Venomoth, in fact the design  is fairly original if a little dull. I do love his weird eyes though, I don’t know what the thinking behind them is but they’re creepy.

Lotad, Lombre and Ludicolo

Although Lotad is basically a frog with a lilly pad stuck in its back I actually don’t mind the “lets just stick a plant on an animal” design school here, mainly because this links in with notions of camouflage. Frogs sit on lilly pads so what if we have a frog underneath one? And while it swims along all the other Pokemon would see would be a lilly pad! It’s a nice idea, it actually sounds like something you’d get in nature and this is a dull but adequate execution of that idea.

Then with Lombre the crazy starts because the obvious evolution from camo’d frog is Mexican cowboy right? Because that’s what they’re going for. They evolved the frog into some kind of anthro monster and made his lillypad into a sombrero.

Whilst I don’t really get the thought process that links lillypad’s to mexican hats I quite like Lombre, its a subtle execution of the high concept with the cowboy stuff primarily limited to that hat, name (a play on Hombre, a kind of spanish slang for a guy) and the pose and facial expressions. There are also some other fun details like how the colouring suggests a waistcoat.

Then the crazy goes full on with Ludicolo. First of all it goes from an anthro frog to some kind of duck which…..whatever fine lets just run with it but everything else. Just drink in the ridiculous glory. First of all the logical evolution from Mexican cowboy is to Mariachi band which…yes, of course it is. And whilst Lombre was fairly subtle Ludicolo and subtle should never be two words used in the same sentence. It’s wearing a poncho for god’s sake, it looks like a maraca, it has a sombrero that is also a palm tree. A sombero that is also a palm tree!!! This thing is amazing!

Seedot, Nuzleaf, Shiftry

Like the previous trio we get a completely average pokemon design, a fairly well executed anthro monster and then something batshit crazy. And again its glorious.

Seedot is an acorn with legs and eyes. Pokemon designs don’t get more classic than that, it’s dull but its fine and admittedly they hadn’t done an acorn before.

Nuzleaf looks like some kind of Amazonian warrior and is basically a boring anthro monster with poorly executed plant bits like having a leaf on its head. I think he might be the first pokemon with visible nipples so he has got that going for him at least.

And then for some reason to the Japanese the logical extension from Amazonian warrior is Kabuki actor.

For those of your unfamiliar with Kabuki here is wikipedia’s entry on it. Briefly it’s a very stylised dramatic form that mixes dance and a weird kind of poetic singing to tell stories. All we need to know for our purposes is that Kabuki actors look like this

Shiftry is basically just a boring anthro monster with poorly incorporated plant elements but the very fact that they wanted to make a pokemon out of something as aesthetically bizarre as kabuki redeems it. Kabuki looks odd and interesting so Shiftry looks odd and interesting. And his feet are sandals, I just love that little touch.

Tailow and Swellow

This generations Spearow and Fearow aka boring birds I have nothing funny or interesting to say about.

Wingull and Pellipper

Seagulls, an animal famed for stealing and eating food from out of human hands, evolve into Pelicans, an animal famed for having a massive beak that can stretch and extend thus presumably allowing it to to steal more food from human hands.

That there is a bit of observational genius, well done.

Ralts, Kirlia and Gardevoir

I initially had no idea what on earth is supposed to be going on with these monsters other than being boring anthro beasts with stubby arms. According to pokemondb.net ralts’ name is supposed to be a reference to the waltz so I guess they’re all dancers? I can see Kirlia as a ballet dancer and I guess Gardevoir is wearing a ballgown but how does that relate to Ralts at all?

As much as I dig on Chansy for being many fetishes personnified there is a disturbing amount of Gardevoir porn out there on the web. Some people want to shag pokemon it seems and naturally they gravitate towards the one that most looks like a sexy lady, even if she has no mouth and technically no legs.

Whatever, it takes all kinds to make a world. Even people who want to shag dancing psychic monsters without legs.

Surskit  and Maskerain

What on earth has Surskit done that he’s so embarassed about? I mean look at the blush on his face, he’s deeply ashamed, I only wish I knew what it was he’d done.

Shroomish and Breloom

Shroomish is one of my all time faves and it is solely because of the hilarious frowny face. Most Pokemon are drawn with fairly neutral facial expressions or a happy smile or a bad ass scowl. Shroomish might have been trying for bad ass scowl but what they got was grumpy old guy chasing kids off his lawn. Such a shame he doesn’t have a fist to shake impotently.

Breloom however does have fists and is a fighting type, with all manner of punching moves he can use. Yet those arms have clearly got as much reach a T-Rex. Also I don’t know what thought process goes from “walking mushroom” to “t-rex in a samurai hat” but I think the clue might be in “mushroom.”

Slakoth, Vigoroth and Slaking.

An apt metaphor for the aging process. In youth we are unwise and easily confused, grasping for answers. As adolescents we become convinced we know all and lash out at the world hoping to change it. As we mature we accept that the world is the way it is and relax  becoming comfortable with ourselves and our lot in life. Also we get fat and gain man boobs and lose a lot of hair.

Nincada, Ninjask and Shedinja

This trio is all about Shedinja who has to be one of the most inspired designs in any of the Pokemon games and one of my all time favourites.

Nincada and Ninjask are of course Cicadas. For those who don’t know Cicadas are insects that the Japanese have a particularly attachment to since they signify that Summer is here. This is because Cicadas have a very strict life cycle. Every summer the larval form, the Nincada equivalent climbs a tree and forms a cocoon. It then bursts from that cocoon and spends the next couple of weeks repeatedly banging its body against trees and screaming causing a resonating chamber in its own body to make one of the loudest and most irritating sounds ever found in nature. The first year I lived in Japan I didn’t have Air Conditioning so to escape the oppressive heat I had to sleep with my windows open. This then gave me the new problem of having to sleep though the noise Cicadas make. The thing it is most similar to would be someone starting a pull cord engine like on a lawnmower or on a chainsaw, that big loud wind up noise followed by several juddering noises afterwards. A kind of krrrreeeeeeeettttt, reet, reet, reet, reeeeeeeeet,  only louder, in every tree, all day and night and with an element of screaming.

Whether by stockholm syndrome or some other madness though I actually grew to like the Cicada noise and began associating it with fond memories of Summer eating watermelon, drinking in beer gardens and watching fireworks.

None of that is pertinent to these designs except that Cicadas leave a larval cocoon on the tree they climb up and that is a Shedinja. The first two designs are basically cartoony versions of a larval and full grown cicada but Shedinja is a Pokemon design based on the husk a Cicada leaves behind. Rather awesomely you can’t catch a Shedinja, when you evolve a Nincada into a Ninjask a Shedinja just magically appears in a Pokeball on your team having been left behind when the Nincada turned into the Ninjask.

And its a ghost/ bug type suggesting that the left behind remains become animated by some lonely spirit.

I find that high concept to be just awesome, a shed husk flying around seeking revenge for being discarded by its former occupant, a dead thing that still moves and fights and all tied in with natural cycles.

And as if that high concept wasn’t cool enough the pokedex entry improves it.

“SHEDINJA’s hard body doesn’t move – not even a twitch. In fact, its body appears to be merely a hollow shell. It is believed that this POKéMON will steal the spirit of anyone peering into its hollow body from its back.”

Notice anything problematic about that?

How about that when you’re playing the game you’re constantly looking at Shedinja’s back.

Yup, anyone wanting to use a Shedinja risks having their immortal soul sucked from their body. That’s a risk that only the most hardcore Pokemon trainers are prepared to make.

Design wise Nincada and Ninjask are just competent cartoony versions of the animals they’re named for but Shedinja again goes a step above. My favourite design element by far are the wings formed from the part of the shell that burst open when Ninjask emerged. Not only is that a nice extrapolation from the concept of it being a discarded husk but it sells the idea that Shedinja “never moves” by giving it rigid pseudo-wings. I also like the halo which is just odd and the kind of off the wall design feature Gen 3 largely got rid of.

Whismur, Loudred and Exploud

These three would be an example of one of my favourite sub-groups of pokemon designs, namely gimmick pokemon whose design reflects their gimmick. For this family its all about noise and every design choice reflects this.

Whismur is obviously based on a rabbit with its big ears and those ears suggest noise but not in the way the other two monsters do. They suggest the reception of noise rather than the production of it. However there is actually something much more clever going on with Whismur’s design, it looks like a musical instrument, namely an Ocarina.

Check it,

Ocarina’s aren’t native to Japan but they’e extremely popular instruments in the country often used as teaching tools to get young children comfortable with the idea of musical instruments. Most people outside Japan will probably be most familiar with them from the popular Zelda game, Ocarina of Time.

Now I want you to look at the ocarina and then at Whismur and then back at the ocarina. picture that those two big holes are whismur’s eyes and then in between you have the very small, whispering, mouth. Then you have another hole in the top of Whismur’s head with a big pointy stub sticking out of it. Go back and look at Whismur’s ear, can you see the hole in his head underneath it? can you also see the two colour tone of Whismur’s ear, like a human finger or like the grain of the wood on the ocarina I pictured there. It’s not a prefect fit but the idea is supposed to be that Whismur is an ocarina and can use his ears to cover the holes in his body like we would use our fingers to cover the holes in an ocarina. The biggest difference is the eyes which on Whismur look like cut outs rather than holes but those are also reflective of musical instruments as similar thin slits are seen on guitars, violins, etc.

Loudred of course is based on a boombox, both in the colouring, the squared off shape and the two big amps he has for ears. Its a logical progression (musical instrument < boom box for making noise) but still maintains key design features of Whismur such as the large ‘ears’ and general shape. Also I love the huge shouting mouth and how stupid and happy he looks.

Exploud again keeps the theme going but looks like some kind of monster church organ with pipes everywhere. His ears have no become a head crest of pipes and he even has pipes sticking out his knees. And his mouth is even bigger! To my mind he looks kind of like a saxophone. Picture the tail as the part one would blow into and the general body shape is kind of similar to a saxophone or I suppose possibly a french horn or trombone as well.

Its a good group of evolutions, they’re based on a more abstract concept but personify it well and yet still look like viable living creatures too.

Makuhita and Hariyama

I’ve made my dislike for anthro fighting types known before and Makuhita and Hariyama are no exception

Azurill

What the hell is Azurill? It looks kind of like a tear drop with mouse ears and it definitely looks sad and that it could burst into tears at any moment. But then you get that huge tail. The Pokedex entry makes it sound like a water ballon as it spins round and round and then hurls its tail out to propel itself forward (this violates all manner of laws of physics but in a game with electric shock rats I’m not going to press that point too hard). Either way it looks almost exactly like Marill only without arms and with a sad face. Was this necessary? It doesn’t have a cool unique concept, it isn’t appreciably cuter than Marill, it isn’t selling some new game feature like Pichu was, it’s just a pointless spin on an existing monster.

Nosepass

Well obviously this is a Maoi (one of those Easter Island Heads) only with tiny arms and legs that let it walk around like someone doing a robot dance.

Much like Shiftry the actual design isn’t too great itself but the real world object it draws inspiration from is weird and aesthetically distinctive enough that the design works anyway just on the strength of original concept.

One thing the pokemon designers did add was to link the Easter Island heads to the concept of a compass (hence the -pass part of the nosepass name) and that’s the explanation for the giant nose, it is supposed to be pointing along compass lines.

Skitty and Delcatty

I’ll be brutally honest here, I have no idea. Obviously they’re both cats and Skitty in particular is drawn in a very abstract and super cute style so they’re meant to be cute. But these two have so many design elements that I just don’t understand at all. Why is Skitty pink? Why is Delcatty purple? Why does Delcatty have a muff or scarf with weird pom-poms sticking out of it? Why does skitty have these pom-poms on its tail.

Maybe the pokedex can shed some light on this.

“SKITTY has the habit of becoming fascinated by moving objects and chasing them around. This POKéMON is known to chase after its own tail and become dizzy.”

Okay that does give me a big clue actually. The tail is supposed to be based on the plant “Typha” known in Japanese and American English as cat’s tails but to me as a Bullrush. Here’s a picture of one.

So I supposed I can see what they did there. Cats are supposed to love chasing Typha and making a cats tail into a literal cat’s tail is a simple visual pun. I’d have made it a plant type personally but I can see what they did there. No idea why its pink or super deformed though, what about Delcatty?

“DELCATTY prefers to live an unfettered existence in which it can do as it pleases at its own pace. Because this POKéMON eats and sleeps whenever it decides, its daily routines are completely random.”

Its wearing a travel pillow, like the kind you see people wear on airplanes to sleep in a seat.

I don’t know who looked at a cat and thought,” yes! Yes that, but wearing a travel pillow! That is the perfect monster for my game, I shall draw it at once!” but that’s the kind of bat-shit craziness I love in my pokemon design.

Oh who a I kidding this one clearly belongs to the “designer drawing stuff on his desk” category except we’re extending his range of visual inspiration to “shit my cat is doing in my home office”.

I totally want to force my cat to wear a travel pillow now, then I’ll put it in a ball throw it at my enemies and yell “Dellcatty, I chose you!”

Sableye

Now I ain’t sayin’ Sableye is a gold digga but when you looked deep into his eyes you could see he was only holding out for some bling bling. That’s why I had to end it. Sableye I love you but I could tell you were all about the benjamins.

Mawile

Okay lets get this out of the way quickly. In the picture you can see Mawile is facing away from you, his mouth is just visible on the other side of his head, what you think is his mouth is actually hair.

Now that’s cool for two reasons. Firstly its something real animals do all the time, making one body part they don’t mind losing look like something important like a head, or making an innocuous body part look big and threatening. I mean look at this snake for starters.

Well that isn’t a snake, that right there is a caterpillar’s bum.

Nature is amazing you guys.

Also the specific idea of hair being a mouth harkens back to Japanese mythology.

Yokai is a Japanese word meaning ghosts or monsters but they have a much looser idea of what a ghost is then we in the West. Western ghosts are specifically the dead souls of people or animals that haunt the earth still. Yokai is more about perversion, ordinary objects turned into monsters, the ordinary but faceless people that live amongst us or the lovely bride that turns out to hide a horrible secret.

Mawile is an example of the latter since it refers to the yokai known as futakucchi-onna or “two mouthed woman”

The futakucchi-onna, as the name suggests, is a woman with two mouths, one in the back of her head and she is usually depicted as having hair the forms tendrils to feed the mouth. We can all guess the folk story behind this yokai pretty easily, man marries gorgeous woman, is pretty happy with his lot but then discovers that she has an insatiable appetite and eats him out of house and home. Like many monsters they work as symbols for the frustrations and problems of real life.

One look at that picture above and you can instantly see the visual inspiration for Mawile.

So, with two cool concepts you’d think I’d like Mawile a lot, but sadly I’m not a fan. This is partly because the jaws just look too big, They’re only attached by a tiny little spindle and whilst they may be made of horn I jst can’t picture Mawile moving whilst carrying that massive set of horns around. Also Mawile’s body hasn’t been particularly thought out, it’s yet another boring anthro monster although weirdly rather than a kimono or similar inspiration they’ve given it fur that makes it look more like another different yokai, namely a Namahage

Also why is Mawile a steel type? It has straw fur and big horns and doesn’t look even remotely metallic. Unlike the next designs.

Aron, Lairon and Aggron

DINOSAURS MADE OF METAL!

METAL DINOSAURS!

Need I say more?

Well okay. Aron is cute with his big eyes, stubby little limbs and disproportionately large head. Also what kind of name for a pokemon is Aron? That is just a legitimate first name, that would be like naming a pokemon Dave, or Fred, or Bob.

I chose you Patrick!

LAIRON (and yes I am going to use all caps, he deserves it) though, LAIRON is perfect. He looks like an evolution of Aron but bigger meaner and more badass. His short but thick legs just denote power and his armour plates look like samurai armour. LAIRON is the consumate badass..

Aggron, despite having the best name is a bit of a disappointment compared to LAIRON. The upright posture makes him look less powerful and more clumsy and awkward. It also deflects attention from the awesome back armour and onto the belly which is kind of a big grey boring blob. They’ve tried to make the large bland space of his gut look interesting by adding lines but it just looks complicated and messy. Still Aggron is a METAL DINOSAUR and that’s a concept so pure and great they can’t really mess it up.

Meditite and Medicham

Boring anthro-fighting types? Possibly, except for Meditite’s hilarious nappy and Medicham’s hilarious everything. Let’s start with his hammer pants, no wait lets start with his floppy eared stoner hat, no, no its all about his slutty, slutty lips caked in lipstick.

Oh Medicham, you don’t have to blow guys for money anymore. You’re a Pokemon now, its all gravy train from here on in baby.

Electrike and Manectric

What are Electrike and Magnectric? I mean I understand that they’re dogs but I haven’t ever seen a dog that looks remotely like either of them. Electrike hs this weird swept back head and Manectric has this…ice cream cone? Pyramid hat? I frankly don’t know what is going on with his head. Not to mention his spats. Maybe its a top hat, to go with his spats.

They’re not bad designs, quite streamlined and spiky and cool looking but I don’t understand the themeing at all.

Plusle and Minun

Generation 3 introduced the concept of team battles for the first time and so it also introduced a lot of Pokemon designs that work in pairs either in support of each other or in opposition. Plusle and Minun are kind of the mascot for this gimmick and as such their high concept is all about support and balance.

More specifically they’re electric types with one being positive polarity and the other being negative polarity. This high concept is expressed well in the design with the names, tails and little cheek signs all indicating which pole they represent. And the idea of keeping their designs identical but for these small changes makes those changes pop and sells the gimmick. They are obvious rip offs of Pikachu in they’re overall shape and design but that works too. Pikachu is an electric type after all as are these. Pikachu is also the mascot for Pokemon and these guys are kind of the mascot for Gen 3 since that Gen was all about pair and team battles.

Volbeat and Illumise

Volbeat and Illumise are also supposed to be a matched pair but they don’t have anything like as decent a theming idea as Plusle and Minun. Basically the themeing idea here is those two pokemon are totally fucking. Volbeat is always male and illumise is always female and their attacks are based around what they do to attract the opposite gender. Volbeat uses his sexy ass, literally, he has a light on his ass he uses to attract Illumise. Illumise uses her sweet perfumes to drive Volbeat mad with lust.

This is a kid’s game right?

Roselia

Roselia is an anthro monster with flowers for arms. Its perfectly fine for what it is but that concept is just so very, very dull. We’ve had flower monsters before and this design brings nothing new to the table at all.

Gulpin and Swalot

Here let me spoil Gulpin for you forever. See his hands and his mouth? Those are cartoon representations of testicles. Do you see it?! Good, because now you will never unsee it.

Swalot is a purple blob and I actually have no problem with that. A purple blob is a fine idea for a monster, so good in fact that they’ve already used it twice before in the form of Grimer and Muk. But whilst Gulpin may not be terribly original he is superior to Grimer and Muk by simple virtue of having a moustache.

That’s really all you need for your evolutions Gamefreak, slap a moustache on it. Everyone knows that moustaches are symbols of power, virility and excellence and it’s an easy visual smbol to say that your tiny pathetic child Swalot has become a MANLY Gulpin.

Yes, I do have a moustache. Why do you ask?

Carvanha and Sharpedo

Carvannha is distinctly meh. Its not a bad design but it doesn’t have much going for it. Plus Piranhas are awesome looking to start with and Carvanha actually does a poor job of representing the inherent awesomeness of Piranhas.

Sharpedo on the other hand is the dog’s bollocks and no mistake. Sharks are just cool, no argument, no discussion they look fantastic. Mother nature has not designed a more streamlined and bad ass looking sea monster and I am frankly amazed that it took until generation 3 for a Shark pokemon to appear.

Now Gamefreak could have just added in a photo realistic Great White Shark and we would all have been perfectly happy, but, mad geniuses that they are, they decided to try and make a shark look even cooler. How did they manage it? They decided to combine a shark with a motherfucking torpedo!

Yes, this thing doesn’t swim towards you, oh no. It is propelled like a heat seeking missle on a jet blast of toothy death.

Genius concept, great design.

Wailmer and Wailord

I love me some Wailmer, I absolutely adore this little guy. The idea is that he’s a combination between a Baleen Whale and a beach ball, a balloon whale if you will. That’s a terrible pun but we all know Pokemon based on terrible puns make the best Pokemon.

I mean there isn’t much to him, he’s a sphere with flippers a face and eyes but it just works. Its cute, funny and brilliant in concept and execution.

I love the mental image of Whales, these massive heavy things, bouncing around like beach balls too.

Wailord works a little bit less well. The idea is he’s a blimp and the position of the fins and overall shape does sell this but he is less cute and the more realistic animal shape is less funny. Flying Whales are a cool idea though.

Numel and Camerupt

How’s this for a one line pitch. Imagine a camel, but instead of a hump it has a volcano on its back.

Now that is the kind of monster design I love about pokemon, combining a real world animal with an elemental force into a coherent design and Numel and Camerupt are a great execution of that idea.

Numel doesn’t really work alone, it has a hilariously dopey expression and inexplicable green patterns on its back. However once you realise it is part of an evolution family with Camerupt it all makes perfect sense. Numel is the dormant volcano, covered in grass, passive, dopey and weak. Whereas camerupt is the volcano in full explosive force with rocky sides of freshly laid magma.

And is there any more classic design idea than a one humped camel “evolving” into a two humped camel.

It does suffer a bit from gen 3 pointless complexity though in the form of the mysterious 3 blue circles of camerupt. Why? What do these add exactly?

Torkoal

Torkoal is a Tortoise but his shell is a bit like a volcano issuing smoke, which, wait, wait, hold on.

Isn’t this the same damn idea as Cameupt only with a Tortoise?

Well not quite, Torkoal is supposed to look like an oven issuing smoke but it is a very similar idea and for both Pokemon not only to appear in the same generation but next to each other in the Pokedex is a bit much.

Also is it me or does he look stoned?

Spoink and Grumpig

Spoink may be my least favourite Pokemon and Grumpig doesn’t fair too much better. I can see what they were going for. They looked at the curly tail of a pig and thought what if we made that a spring that the monster bounces on. That’s absolutely fine, spring tailed bouncing monster is a great concept, go with that. But then the execution is just so awful. For starters we’re back to stubby useless arms and bodies that are just comprised of a head just like another of my all time hates Golbat, but whereas Golbat at least had a mouth instead this thing just has a nose, admittedly a cute nose but it must make eating berries very difficult.

But no, the real killer is that fucking ball.

What the hell is going on with the ball? Is it attached to the monster? No, it clearly isn’t it’s just a ball. So if it isn’t a part of it then why does every Spoink have one? And how can it be balanced on there when it’s a round ball on a round head? And this monster bounces, that’s got to make carrying the stupid fucking ball everywhere difficult.

And logic aside from a pure deign sense what does the ball add? It’ this big pink eye catching monstrosity sitting atop a perfectly okay bouncing pig monster. It’s the first thing you look at and it completely distracts from the grey shape underneath it. That might be okay if the ball was thematically important or something but, well what the hell does a big pink ball have to do with pigs or springs?

Did the designer spill pink paint on the design and then just run with it?

Honestly that ball just mystifies me. Its totally pointless and just destroys what would have been an okay design with its inconguous distracting pink ballness.

And Grumpig’s pose makes it look like he’s using his armpit to make farting noises. That is all.

Spinda

Spinda is totally okay to drive you guys. He’s not drunk at all, just, just give him his keys back okay. He’s only heading down the block anyway what could happen?

Trapinch, Vibrava and Flygon

Now at first glance you might think that this is one evolution tree I was going to get upset about since Trapinch looks absoluely nothing like Vibrava or Flygon. However this trio is actually based on a real animal, an Antlion and the change between the larval form and the adult form is as extreme as Trapinch to Vibrava.

Here’s a larval Antlion

So now you know what you’ll be having nightmares about for the next…forever.

As you can plainly see Trapinch is only loosely inspired by an real Antlion, after all this is a game for kids and unrepentant Lovecraftian horror is a bit much for 10 year olds. The real Antlion has six legs, Trapinch has 4….hosepipes, the real Antlion has tiny hairs that look like lethal daggers, Trapinch is bright orange, the Antlion has eyes that appear to stare into your soul and whisper that in dead r’yleh great c’thulu lies drwaming, Trapinch has stars in his eyes that make him look an X-Factor contestant. However they do share a lot of similarities, namely the overall bodyshape and the huge jaws and the way they behave. An antlion will build a pit with very mathematically defined walls and then sit in the bottom of it like the Sarlaac in Star Wars. Prey wanders into the pit and then finds out it can’t climb out due to the slope, the Antlion then bursts from its hole and pulls its prey back in with it. Trapinches hunt in the same way and their attacks and abilities in the game reflect this.

After three years the antlion turns into this.

Fun fact, for those three years an antlion has no anus and can’t poop until it metamorphoses. And you thought you had it bad waiting in your car for a rest stop.

Now obviously that looks exactly like a Dragonfly or similar creature and so does Vibrava. Well not exactly, vibrava looks like a dreadful cartoony mess of an adult Antlion complete with badly drawn cartoon feet, a poorly designed set of antennae and weird diagonal wings but at least it is recognisably and Antlion adult.

So what’s Flygon?

Hell if I know. Better drawn than Vibrava for a start.

Cacnea and Cacturne

What I love about Cacena is his big happy smile and his flower/crown. He looks like he’s the king of something and deliriously happy about it. Cacturne in contrast posesses neither of these features and so is pretty useless.

Swablu and Altaria

I quite like Altaria’s design here as the clouds do look like wings but could also feasibly be hiding the real wings underneath. Swablu less so since it’s just a parrot’s head with clouds stuck on the side. Overall neither of these are bad though, again I like those Pokemon who replace physical characteristics with an elemental feature and Altaria is a particularly good example of this.

Zangoose

Zangoose is undoubtedly the most badass pokemon ever. Scyther, Absol, Charizard are just straight fronting compared to this guy. Look into those eyes and tell me that that is not the face of a stone cold mother fucker. It’s in the frown, the eyes, the pattern of fur that makes his eyes look scarred, the massive claws and the cool zig zags. Zangoose will straight up wreck a bitch and ain’t nobody gonna stop it.

Seviper

So Seviper is intended to be kind of adversarial with Zangoose as in the wild snakes are often attacked by a Mongoose. But look at this derpy moron. Zangoose is going to straight up wreck his shit, sho nuff!

Lunatone and Solrock

Utter, utter lazy dreck. Its the sun and the moon, with eyes, as rocks. I don’t know what it is but something about this pair just breaks my suspension of disbelief, and yes I know its a game about monsters in tiny balls cock fighting but, I dunno. I buy living rocks that look like rocks but rocks that specifically look like the sun and the moon just seem to be pushing it. And they don’t move or have arms or have any sense that this could be a living thing they just float there. And why is the Sun a rock? Surely, surely it should be a fire type. I could kind of buy that.

Barboach and Whiscash

Earthquake causing fish.

In one of the more bat shit crazy aspects of Japanese mythology earthquakes are said to be caused by giant fish moving around underground and waving their long antennae. Because of course, fish are well known for their love of being underground…

I will never stop loving Japanese mythology and its complete disregard for sense, logic or shame.

So yes in the spirit of that myth they decided to create a Pokemon version of a loach and a catfish, slapped big antennae on them and called it a day. It kind of works, these are just well drawn cartoony versions of real fish but there are some truly wtf aspects, mainly the big W Whiscash has on its head. I think it’s supposed to be a contracted version of the zig-zag stripe on Barboach and I think that zig-zag is supposed to look like a seismograph or a fissure in the ground but when they contracted it that small it just looks like a W. It is a monogram? Does it stand for Whiscash? Is it some kind of crown? Whatever it is it’s distracting and detracts from an otherwise perfectly fine design.

Corphish and Crawdaunt

“So I drew this picture of a cartoony crawfish. I was thinking we could use it in the next Pokemon game”

“I dunno man, we’re going for a more complicated look these days, can’t you add something to it to make it monstery”

“I could just stick a spike on it, that’s always what we’ve done in the past”

“Nah, this is Generation 3, we need something fresh, something bold, something they’ve never seen before”

“Well, call me crazy but I could…nah, nah it would never work”

“Spit it out man, what is it?”

“Well this is Generation 3 yeah?”

“Yes, yes”

“Well I could…”

“Yes?”

“I could….”

“Yes?”

“I could stick three spikes on it”

“…..”

“………”

“GENIUS!”

Baltoy and Claydol

Baltoy and Claydol have one of the more unusual inspirations being directly inspired by stone age Japanese artefacts called Dogu. Check it, you can see the artwork that inspired them below.

Dogu aren’t well understood even now and there is still argument about whether they were toys, some kind of religious figure or, the most likely agreed explanation, some manner of fertility symbol. Nonetheless they’re cool little things and visually unique so they make for a strong visual basis for a Pokemon.

Lileep and Cradily

I have literally no idea what the hell is going on here. Obviously I get that it’s meant to be some kind of prehistoric plant but to my shame I have no idea which one it is so I can’t tell you if it looks even remotely like a real ancient organism. What it does look like is something out of Super Mario Brothers, crossed with black mage from Final Fantasy, crossed with a cup crossed with a tu-tu. I mean what are those pink things? petals? tentacles? dreadlocks? I think for Lileep the bottom part attaches to the ground then it has some kind of flexible neck with the cup at the top and then those petanticolocks grap prey and drag it into the black…face? But then that doesn’t work forCraydily because now the cup is some sort of head armour and the petanticolocks are like its hair and…I just don’t know what the hell I’m looking at here.

Further research indicates they’re likely derived from Crinoids, here’s a Crinoid.

Okay so I can se how that works for Lilleep but I stand by my statements regarding Cradilly


Anorith and Armaldo

Anolith is based on anomalocaris which actually happens to be one of my favourite Cambrian era animals (do you not have one?). Here’s an artist’s reconstruction of one.

As you can see its basically a case for a Butterfree effect here, just a well drawn cartoony verson of a real beast.

The only really distinctive design touch is the patterning on the head which makes it look like it has two red eyes there instead of the eyes on external stalks.

Armaldo is just a complete mess though, loads of disparate elements that don’t form a cohesive whole just an ugly jumbled mess of a pokemon.

Feebas and Milotic

You know how I’ve been praising Gen 3 for originality of designs and not going back to the well again and just copying old concepts. Well that all goes out the window for Feebas and Milotic, also known as a blatant rip off of Magikarp and Gyrados.

Actually that’s not entirely fair, the idea with Magikarp to Gyarados is that the goofy useless monster that can’t attack at all evolves into the consumate raging badass that destroys everything in its path. Its a revenge fantasy, pathetic loser turns into badass and gets revenge on the bullies that picked on him. Instead Feebas and Milotic is the ugly duckling, something ugly turns into something beautiful and gorgeous. Its also intended to take advantage of the new “beauty” mechanic evolving into Milotic when Feebas reached maximum beauty, but that system was such a pain in the ass that they ditched it in every subsequent game and nobody missed it.

Milotic is a decent design, very simple and elegant. It suggests a lot (hair, a red cloak,a high collar) with only a few lines and is refreshingly uncluttered for a Gen 3 design. Its just that it suffers from being a rip off of a concept done better already.

Castform

Another new concept they introduced in Gen 3 was weather and of course any time they introduce a new gaming concept they need a design to be the mascot for it. Thus was born Castform the weather pokemon and the first pokemon design to stem from something abstract, weather. Well okay individual weather is a physical object i.e. rain, clouds, sunshine etc but he’s meant to embody weather as whole. He does this by changing shape to suit the weather he’s in, so in sunshine he becomes a sun, in rain a raindrop on a stormcloud and in a sandstorm he becomes…an ice cream cone?

Because he changes shape they wisely went with a very simple design with elements that would be consistent across all his forms, its a ball, with a cowlick, a burglar mask and boobs. Yes I know its meant to be a cloud but look at those things again. Castform is rocking an impressive rack.

Kecleon

Kecleon is basically just a cartoony chameleon and I’m surprisingly okay with that since Chameleons sound like a designed monster anyway. Long sticky tongues, weird feet that can grib branches, independently swivelling eyes, long rolled up prehensile tails and of course the ability to change their colour. Kecleon doesn’t change his whole colour but the stripe changes colour to match the type of attack it was just hit by so red for fire, blue for water, etc. My only beef is with his sad and grumpy face. Why so depressed Kecleon? Don’t you know that you’re actually pretty awesome.

Shuppet and Banette

Shuppet and Bannette are two ghost pokemon with fairly dull designs (ooh dark coloured wavy shapes, frightening!) based on fairly cool concepts.

I already mentioned Yokai and how it stems from something good being perverted into something malign . Well one Japanese folk belief is that when an object reaches 100 years of age it becomes a Yokai, a living being. An object that has been well looked after will cause no problems but a discarded object or one that has worn out from use will harbour malevolent feelings of revenge towards its former owners. Bannette is a discarded doll brought to life and seeking revenge against the little girl that threw her away. That is an awesome concept and there is so much you can do with it, its such a shame then that Nintendo did none of those things. I got the whole doll backstory entirely from the pokedex because the actual design looks nothing like a doll at all. The only vaguely doll like feature is the zip on the mouth, and that says gimp mask to me more than it does doll. No instead we get a vaguely anthropomorphic dumpy grey sack. Scary.

Shuppet looks much more like the object that inspired it but that isn’t as cool an object. He’s supposed to look like a teru teru bozu a kind of Japanese folk tradition. Here’s a teru teru bozu

As you can see they’re a kind of doll and they already look like a ghost. Japanese children hang these up to control the weather. Strung up like that they ask for sunny weather, hung upside down they invite the rain. Like any other object in Japan they need to be looked after or they risk turning into a yokai. Shuppet (a contraction of shadow and puppet) is a teru teru bozu gone to the dark side and it brings bad weather wherever it travels.

Shuppet does at least look like its inspiration but it is still basically a wavy dark blue sack and not that great a design.

Duskull and Dusclops

Duskull is pretty goth with his skull face and skull back tattoo but has two features that always make me laugh about him. First of all the fold at the back of the body makes it look to my eyes like he has his arms folded behind his back. Secondly his shape makes it look like he has an Elvis style duck’s arse hair cut. Maybe Duskull is the ghost of Elvis, doomed to wander earth eternally and fight for 10 year old kids.

Dusclops is obviously based partly on a cyclops with the one baleful eye but also patlly on mummies, the pose, pattern of lines representing bandages and wavy parts like dust escaping from the bandages all suggest ancient mummy on the loose and seeking destruction. And then it has three massive goofy teeth that completely undercut any sense of menace whatsoever.

Tropius

Tropius is an example of a plant type where they’ve incorporated the plant and animal elements very well. Whereas in previous geenrations we basically got plants with legs and faces or animals with a plant stuck on their head or back here we get something that is demonstrably both plant and animal but more integrated. The neck is the trunk, the leaves are wings, the feet are roots, etc. Best of all it has a banana goatee which is an idea that is pure and simply genius. I despise bananas with every fiber of my being but I would not pass up a banana goatee if I had the chance to grow one.

Chimecho

Chimecho along with Voltorb and few others is part of that rarified group of pokemon designs that are literally “draw a smily face on an inanimate object and call it done.” The stick a horn on it group wishes they were this lazy. Chimecho is a “furin” a kind of Japanese wind chime with a glass bell and a paper strip attached to it that twinkles and rings in the wind. The Japanese associate them with summer and say that hearing the sound of one cools you down in the summer. Below is a furin

Now look back at Chimecho.

Yeah, the designer was just drawing whatever was in his office that day wasn’t he. I’m amazed we haven’t had a paperclip monster yet, unless you count Unoun.

Absol

Absol is, as far as I can tell, not really based on anything. Not a real animal, not a fictional animal, not an inanimate object and not even a pun. There are aspects to the design taken from other sources most prominently that the body is quite dog-like and the head which has half of a yin/yang symbol and then turns the other half into a scythe or horn. But as a whole this is an original design and I think that might actually be a first for pokemon. Absol is also cool as hell. It’s another rare example of streamlined design intended to look cool and badass rather than cute or funny and its full of these weird elements that are just intriguing, like the scythe horn, or the lack of a mouth or the strange tail. Absol is a monster that invites questions, its an engimatic beast indeed. Even the name helps stress this being derived from “absolution” i.e. freeing oneself from guilt. What crimes has Absol committed that it seeks to free itself from?

Wynaut

Wynaut, is the baby form of Wobuffet, which was already an odd duck to begin with. Like all babyforms they’ve upped the cuteness considerably giving Wynaut “kawaii” manga style eyes and a big happy smile. However they’ve also chosen to increase Wobuffet’s multiple head shtick going from two heads to three. Those would be the obvious head with a mouth and eyes and the second head in the tail like Wobuffet has but also a third that kind of looks like a knob on top of the first head. Look at the shape, Wynaut’s first head is the body with the third head on top, two arms/ears and two legs then it’s second head in its tail. I like that idea, they haven’t done something like that since Tentacool but its something that happens in nature all the time and makes for a strong design. I also like Wynaut’s ridiculous pointless squared off arms better when they’re actually ears since ears can be flappy and end in squared off edges wheres arms really shouldn’t.

Snorunt and Glalie

I’ll get it out of the way quickly. I hate Glalie just because I hate on principle those Pokemon that are just a head. A head and arms fine, head and legs fine, some kind of inanimate object posessed by electricity or a ghost fine but Glalie is just a floating hockey mask and nothing more. How does it move? How does it eat, excrete, mate, etc? I don’t exactly want realism but I want something that looks like it could at least move around and not just a, well, a head!

Snorunt is okay though being basically another version of the Namahage monster I showed earlier this time playing up the traditional dress and houses of people living on Hokkaido, the Northern island in Japan.

Spheal, Sealeo and Walrein

Spheal has my vote for cutest pokemon design ever. It’s a ball, a ball of blubber with a face. Imagine the cuddles! It is pure cuddliness personnified!

Also localisation team, well done! Spheal is a pun of which you should be very, very proud.

Sealio and Walrein look more like real world seals and walruses done in a competent cartoony style and that’s all I have to about them.

But Spheal, soooooo cuddly!

Clamperl, Huntail and Gorebyss

Is, is that pokemon wearing a bra?

Its a fish, why the hell is it wearing a bra? Is it a little mermaid reference? Is Gorebyss supposed to be a mermaid? Does it have nipples?

The fish bra, it raises so many questions.

Relicanth

Relicanth is a very dull design based on a very cool fish. It’s basically just a cartoony drawing of a Ceolocanth. Ceolocanth’s have a very interesting history to them, particularly their discovery since for most of human history they were believed to be extinct and were only know for fossils. Then they were rediscovered, almost by accident, alive and well in Indonesia in the 1930’s.

Their discovery caused a huge uproar in scientific circles because the Coelocanth is believed to be the oldest common ancestor between fish and amphibians (although it is alleged that this may be lungfish) and possibly relatives of the first fish to ever walk on land. This is speculated due to the shape of the Coelocanth’s fins which are fleshy and share certain similarities with feet.

There are lot of ideas you could emphasise with a Coelocanth design, the living fossil aspect, the fish that walks aspect, etc but Gamefreak have chosen to just present it as is, evidently feeling that the actual fish is interesting enough that it doesn’t need a further gimmick.

Luvdisc

Luvdisc has to be the most simple Pokemon design, especially in this Generation. Literally a heart shape with eyes and a mouth. Yet it does actually look like this could be a fish with the overall body shape being very fishy. That’s quite a feat to pull off and Luvdisc is a nice design, clever in concept and clean and simple in execution.

Bagon, Shellgon and Salamence

Bagon just looks like a cludge together of some of the worst possible design ideas Gamefreak have evEr had. His ears look bizarre, he has stupid stubby little arms, hooves and some kind of armoured head/hair that looks like a mullet.

and Salamence is just another attempt at doing a western style dragon, only with very badly drawn wings and pointless gen 3 complexity like the plates on his belly, the weird colouring on his neck and his 6 pointed head.

The real joy in this trio though is Shellgon. Now obviously what they’re going for is a cocoon idea and they’ve done that sucessfully many times before. What makes Shellgon different is his angry eyes and tiny little legs. The mental image of a cocoon running around head butting things is just too cute and too hilarious. I love this little guy, he’s like the Scrappy Doo of Pokemon designs.

Shellgon also starts a trend of “why the hell is this a dragon type?” questions. For reference the cocoon that walks like a man above is considered a dragon but all the following are not.

oh Pokemon logic, long may you continue to never make sense.

Beldum, Metang and Metagross

I’m not a fan of Beldum at all because I can’t see how that works as an organism at all. It has no mouth, no limbs, no overall shape to it. It’s a foot with an eye stuck on the end and that’s just stupid.

Obviously the idea is that this is a monster inspired by model kits. Beldum is a foot with a ball joint and you combine it with other parts to get a Metang and finally a Metagross. I kind of like that idea but as an individual Pokemon it just doesn’t work.

Metang looks better since it has a face and limbs but is still a rather dull design.

Metagross though is pure badassery personnified. Look at that thing, look at all the personality and expression it has on a face that consists of just eyes and a big X. He looks angry and worse he looks like he’s coming to get you, and when a giant steel spider is coming after you, you better be scared! The shape of the legs, the pose and the low slung head just all convey power and danger. It’s a great design.

The Three Elemental Golems Regirock, Regice and Registeel

Here we have the three golem pokemon. Golems in Hebraic mythology are men made of clay and animated by holy words who do the bidding of their creator. Golems in Pokemon mythology are elemental tools made by the creator of the land to help him out with constructing it, so Regirock sculpted the rocks, Regice sculpted the glaciers and Registeel sculpted the iron desposits.

That’s a fairly cool idea for some legendary Pokemon and I get where they’re going with the design, these are supposed to be effectively robots, lifeless tools created to do a job, and in a sense the original golems were just magic robots as well. Consequently they don’t really have faces they’re just vaguely humanoid elemental shapes.

But I don’t like the execution at all, they just look boring and the series of dots for a face is just off putting and weird. Regirock is okay since he does look like a rock monster and his design conveys movement and power. Registeel is just dull but Regice is terribad. The other two look like robots, he looks like a bunch of icicles stuck together. He also looks like he’s about to perpetually fall over from his tiny, tiny little spiky feet.

Latias and Latios

Latios and Latias are jets. But unlike most attempts at turning inanimate objects into Pokemon they haven’t just slapped eyes and a face onto an object but rather tried to design a living organism so that it resembles a jet in flight. I mean look at Latias, you can see a head, a neck, arms a body and a tail. That’s a living creature even if it lacks legs. But look at Latios there, the long neck, the swept back V of the wings, the slightly crooked nose at the front. It looks like a stylised Concorde jet in flight.

It’s a neat conceit for a monster and well executed. These two have a really streamlined design and a real sense of speed and motion,

Kyogre

In previous versions of Pokemon all the Legendary Pokemon (i.e. those particularly powerful and rare Pokemon that never breed and that you can only catch one of in each game) were available in every copy. So in Gold and Silver you can catch both Lugia and Ho-Oh. Starting with Ruby and Sapphire that changed so Kyogre is only available in Sapphire and Groudon only available in Ruby. It was a cynical attempt to shift more copies of games since most people are reluctant to trade their legendaries and so players who wanted a complete pokedex would have to actually buy both copies of the game for themselves.

But despite the bad taste in my mouth Kyogre reminds me of how is his actual design?

It’s a Killer Whale with giant hands/fins. And they really do look a lot like hands since they have fingers and most fish (captain birdseye aside) are not in posession of fingers. Of course whales aren’t fish but you get what I mean.

I mean its fine for what it is but it isn’t very inspiring. I think the main problem for me is that with other legendaries you can see their face. Mewtwo, Lugia, Groudon they all have facial expressions and those expressions convey personality. Moreso than regular Pokemon its important for the legendaries to have a sense of personality and motivation and not just look like animals. Kyogre is the lord of all the seas, we should gaze upon his visage and fear it. Instead we get a whale with really big hands.

Groudon

Groudon absolutely shouldn’t work. It’s a dinosaur with tons of added crap basically. It has weird mutton chops, spikes and lines all over it, a rake for a tail and an egg slicer for a head. It should look stupid but somehow the whole comes together. The short, stubby but thick legs and hands convey power. The hunched over posture makes it look angry, like its about to charge off at you and all the angular lines and spikes really sell this as a monster of rock and the earth without it actually having any earth textures per se. I like Groudon a lot, he looks like a typical Japanese Kaiju, like Godzilla or something similar all ready to rock up on land and start destroying Tokyo. Yet he is distinctly his own beast and bears no actual resemblance to any popular kaiju specifically, its more that he has the essence of that kind of design about him.

Rayquaza

Surprisingly we’ve had a lot of Western style dragons (Dragonite, Charizard, Salamence) but not many Asian style dragons. Gyarados is one example and you could argue for Dragonair and Dratini but Rayquaza is undoubtedly an Asian dragon, a long snake like monster with fins, wings, terrible claws and a large horned head.

Although obviously they’ve styled his design to make him a trio with Kyogre, lord of the water, Groudon, lord of the earth and Rayquaza, lord of the sky. The squared off horns and fins echo Groudon’s squared design and the thick black lines on his body are a repeated element across all three designs.

For some reason Rayquaza is actually one of the most popular Pokemon designs but its not an opinion I share. Its a perfectly good design but it doesn’t have an awesome gimmick like Shedinja or a strong hook like Bulbasaur It’s not that badass or that streamlined and it certainly isn’t cute. If I had to hazard a guess I’d just say that a lot of people think Asian dragons are cool and that’s the reason for his appeal.

Jirachi

Jirachi is yet another pokemon whose inspiration isn’t immediately obvious and requires me to go off on a long explanation about some aspect of Japanese culture.

Obviously Jirachi is a star, but more than that it’s a reference to Tanabata, the star festival.

Tanabata is a festival held in various Asian countries but principally in Japan during July over a period of a few days. It celebrates the meeting of the two deities Orihime and Hikoboshi which can be seen in the sky as the stars Vega and Altair.

The myth of Orihime and Hikoboshi is thus (stolen from wikipedia)

“Orihime (織姫 Weaving Princess?), daughter of the Tentei (天帝 Sky King, or the universe itself?), wove beautiful clothes by the bank of the Amanogawa (天の川 Milky Way, lit. “heavenly river”?). Her father loved the cloth that she wove and so she worked very hard every day to weave it. However, Orihime was sad that because of her hard work she could never meet and fall in love with anyone. Concerned about his daughter, Tentei arranged for her to meet Hikoboshi (彦星 Cow Herder Star?) (also referred to as Kengyuu (牽牛?)) who lived and worked on the other side of the Amanogawa. When the two met, they fell instantly in love with each other and married shortly thereafter. However, once married, Orihime no longer would weave cloth for Tentei and Hikoboshi allowed his cows to stray all over Heaven. In anger, Tentei separated the two lovers across the Amanogawa and forbade them to meet. Orihime became despondent at the loss of her husband and asked her father to let them meet again. Tentei was moved by his daughter’s tears and allowed the two to meet on the 7th day of the 7th month if she worked hard and finished her weaving. The first time they tried to meet, however, they found that they could not cross the river because there was no bridge. Orihime cried so much that a flock of magpies came and promised to make a bridge with their wings so that she could cross the river. It is said that if it rains on Tanabata, the magpies cannot come and the two lovers must wait until another year to meet”

So what does any of that have to do with Jirachi? Well Jirachi is more to do with the festival itself than the story. One of the ways Tanabata is celebrated is by writing notes containing wishes, usually in the form of a poem and then attaching them to a wish tree. The wish tree is decorated with these colourful strips of paper and usually other decorations as well and then on the last day of the festival paraded around and then disposed of either by setting it in a river or burning the tree. Different areas in Japan have their own customs but the sight of a wish tree is a strong image of Summer and of Romance in Japan.

Here’s a wishing tree all decorated for you.

See the rectangular strips, those are the same strips Jirachi has hanging from the points on his head.

I like Jirachi a lot actually. Its obviously fulfilling the same role as Mew and Celebi from previous generations i.e. the small “cute” legendary but I think it surpasses both of those. For starters in my own humble opinion its a cuter design and secondly I just find it to have a stronger and more evocative hook.

Deoxys

This generation also introduced the idea of pokemon with multiple forms who could shift appearance and shape and Deoxys is kind of the poster child for that design concept which would crop up more commonly in later games. Unfortunately for me that means I have 4 designs to critique instead of just one.

Why does he shape shift into other forms? Well to know that you’d have to read his fantastically bizarre pokedex entry.

“The DNA of a space virus underwent a sudden mutation upon exposure to a laser beam and resulted in DEOXYS. The crystalline organ on this POKéMON’s chest appears to be its brain.”

This just raises all manner of questions.

Firstly the idea that lasers cause viruses to evolve is so lolwut that we’ll just skip over it. It’s so stupid it doesn’t really warrant further discussion.

But scaling back from that what on earth (well, I guess not on Earth at all actually) is a space virus? A virus by definition exists by replicating in the cells of other living organisms. It can exist outside of a living cell for some time (hence why you get airborne viruses) but in space? Space is big and empty guys and not exactly full of life, what was this virus doing in space in the first place?

It also raises the issue of just what the hell a Pokemon is in the first place. That’s more of a loaded question than you might think.

Obviously a Pokemon is a monster you can catch in a Pokeball and which responds to human commands but beyond that the definition is weird on a number of levels. Nintendo used to say that the defining characteristic of a Pokemon is that all of them share the same DNA despite differing in appearance, thus why they can breed with each other freely. Now Nintendo have moved away from this explanation in recent years presumably because it is so stupid that I could write a 1,000 words purely on just how stupid it is easily. But it begs the question if this virus didn’t have Pokemon DNA, because its a virus, how did it sudden;y get Pokemon DNA? And anyway most viruses have RNA instead of DNA, although obviously Deoxys is the DNA kind since it is named for deoxyribonucleic acid.

Or alternatively are all animals in this world pokemon or are there non pokemon animals? The anime seems to suggest there are non-pokemon animals since the main characters are often shown eating chicken, beef, etc and real world fish are shown swimming around in fish tanks and the like. I’m fine with that and that allows for us to have viruses that aren’t Pokemon, but then this virus became a Pokemon! Can the real animals turn into Pokemon? You might scoff at this but remember in the Pokemon universe evolution happens to individuals not the species so can a cow evolve into a Miltank? What if you fire a laser at it?

I don’t think the designers ever intended to do this but Deoxys just cracks open the whole can of worms on what exactly a Pokemon is and they never really managed to explain it since.

Anyway messed up backstory aside (seriously, a laser!?!) Deoxys is a pretty decent design. Obviously his key design elements are alien, virus and DNA and he’s all themed around mutation and change. He hits all of these elements and the end result is pleasingly coherent. Firstly you’d see him as an alien, the shape of the eyes, the just overall strangeness, etc look very alien and specifically they look like the kind of rubber suited monsters Ultraman would face. Hell, he even looks a little bit like Ultraman. The DNA and mutation stuff is pretty clear too, his arms are double helixes which took me forever to notice but once you do is a really nice idea and obviously he shape shifts because he is mutating, just like a virus.

The overall body shape is odd not looking like any real animal or even that humanoid but actually it does look a lot like electron microscope images of viruses. I’m no virologist so I couldn’t name which one but I have definitely seems virus with similarly pointed regular “heads” and stubby sticking out “legs”.

The forms vary for me. I like the speed and defense forms since they sell the idea of what that form is adapting to do. The speed form is thinner with longer legs and only has 2 arms instead of four. It looks more lightweight and streamlined, hence speedy. The defense form is bigger and bulkier and I particularly like how the head is sunk into the shoulders, it sells defense visually straight away. The attack form however doesn’t sell it, being basically the normal form with a more swept back head and pointy knees. I don’t think I have ever been intimidated by a knee no matter how pointy.

Overall I think Generation 3  may actually have the strongest designs of any game. They’ve moved away from taking an existing animal and sticking a spike on it and have started to bring in more complex and unusual inspirations. Viruses, Dogu, Yokai, the weather, Japanese Festivals. The designs exhibit more variety and really work to sell their underlying gimmicks. There are less boring anthro monsters and less real animals drawn in a cartoony style. It’s a great generation.

On the downside the designs do start to get very complicated and full of unnecessary clutter. They also lose some of the simple iconic power of the original designs. We’re also seeing a creep in Legendary monsters going from 5 in Gen 1 to 6 in Gen 2 to 10 here.

Unfortunately Gen 4 would take the worst lessons from Gen 3 with more complexity and more legendaries but less original ideas and a real sense of doing riffs on older designs.

%d bloggers like this: